‘And it was one more reason why you split up.’
‘Let’s say it didn’t help. After we’d been seeing each other for a year, she suggested we move in together, and I realised then that my first thought was No. Well, it was Oh God, not with those bloody snakes. But if I’d loved her enough, I could have coped with them. After that, we both kind of realised it was never going to work out. She’s still living in Cheltenham,’ said Luke. ‘With Audrey and Daniel and Artemis and Trevor.’
‘Those were their names?’
‘Yes.’
‘Blimey. And none of us ever knew about them,’ Hallie marvelled. ‘It just goes to show, you never can tell what’s happening behind other people’s closed doors.’
‘In Christina’s case, she’s usually feeding dead mice and rats to her pythons. Not the loveliest sight in the world. You’re looking tired,’ said Luke. ‘Time to take your meds. And I’ve made an executive decision,’ he added. ‘I’m not letting you go home. You’re staying here.’
Hallie nodded. He was right: the virus was wiping her out. Despite having slept for hours this afternoon, she was now exhausted and ready to crash out again. She needed to do her IVs and use the NIV if she wanted to avoid CO2 build-up and the inevitable banging headache tomorrow morning. Oh, the endless joys of being ill.
‘I feel bad, leaving you with the washing-up. If you can bear to let it sit in the sink, I’ll do it in the morning.’
‘Don’t even think about it. You just concentrate on getting better. Look, I’m going to leave you in peace now. Bathroom’s through there. You’ve got everything else you need here in this room. And you have your mobile,’ said Luke. ‘Any problems at all, just shout. If you can’t shout, call.’ He picked up his own phone, rose to his feet and headed for the kitchen.
The rear view was great; in jeans, you could see what a nice bum he had. ‘Thanks so much for this,’ said Hallie.
He halted in the doorway and turned to look at her. ‘Will you stop thanking me? There’s no need.’ Another pause. ‘And can I say something else?’
‘Go ahead.’
‘Not all men are like Nick. They don’t all run away. Plenty of people with CF have normal, happy relationships.’
He was so kind, so compassionate. Hallie’s chest gave a secret squeeze of emotion; imagine if Luke weren’t her doctor and liked her as much as she liked him. He would, she instinctively knew, be one of the good guys, the trustworthy kind who would never break your heart and run away.
But how many men could you ever really trust? Even if you were fit and healthy? Not many. Add in the fact that she did have a life-limiting illness and the odds of actually being able to find someone were just about infinitesimal. Falling in love and being abandoned – again – held no appeal whatsoever. Maybe if you were expecting to live for another sixty years, the prospect of being miserable and heartbroken for a few months was bearable.
The thing was, if a few months was possibly all the time you had left here on this earth . . . well. It wasn’t high on her list of must-have experiences.
Basically, who’d want to be utterly miserable for the rest of their life?
Hallie looked at Luke and allowed herself a brief fantasy. What would he do if she were to beckon him over now, wrap her arms around his neck and pull his mouth down to meet hers? What would he say if she whispered, ‘Will you carry me upstairs? Can we sleep together? If I promise never to tell anyone, could we do that? Just for tonight?’
OK, get a grip. End of fantasy.
Apart from anything else, what if he backed away in horror, holding up his hands and saying, ‘You’re kidding, right?’
God, being rejected in a fantasy was the absolute pits.
Hallie braced herself and nodded. ‘I know they do. Ignore me, it’s just the way I feel. I’m a complete wimp.’
Luke regarded her steadily for several seconds before shaking his head. ‘No, not true. You’re anything but that.’ He reached for the door handle. ‘Night.’
In the kitchen, doing the mountain of washing-up, Luke heard Hallie moving around in the living room. She would be getting ready for bed, doing her meds, setting up the portable ventilator and settling down for the night. Luckily the old sofa was big and comfortable enough to stretch out on; he would have offered her his own bed like a shot, but since the bathroom was downstairs, it made sense for her to stay down here too.
This evening had been simultaneously one of the best and most frustrating of his life. Somehow he’d even managed to end up telling Hallie she shouldn’t give up on love, and encouraging her to search for someone special who could make her happy.