People who had known Jesus had penned letters about him, recording what he said and did. When added to the letters written by his followers in the early church, and to the books written by the Jews about their God, it all comprised the Bible David read regularly.
Over the years, she had read portions of the Bible and mostly understood it. Christians believed Jesus to be the Son of God, that Jesus could forgive anyone for anything they’d ever done wrong because he had taken on himself the punishment for their sins. They believed in a loving God, who cared about people, helped them live a righteous life, and promised them a great future after they died. She had no problem with what Christians believed.
But their God had to be alive for their beliefs to be true. What she couldn’t wrap her mind around was their faith’s central tenant, that Jesus had walked out of a tomb three days after being crucified, and that two thousand years later he was still alive.
No matter how many times Maggie circled the question, it came down to the fact it couldn’t be real—it was simply science fiction, wishful hoping. But her David, the sanest and most rational man she’d ever known, a cop with a cop’s instinct to question and challenge everything to see how much was a lie and how much was truth, had come to believe Christianity—Jesus—was literally true.
She couldn’t understand how her David had arrived at yes, and he seemed honestly puzzled by her inability to see that the answer was yes. Believing Christianity was true hadn’t come together for her as it had for him, and she honestly thought she was right. How can David believe something that can’t be true?
She didn’t actually have a problem with his beliefs. David was a more loving, kind, and generous man because of his religion. Christians were taught to be kind to the poor, orphans and widows, to be honest, to live at peace with each other. The contributions David gave to the church were distributed to causes Maggie appreciated and could get behind too. The Christians she’d encountered were normal and nice, despite the few odd beliefs they held. She liked their music, thought most sermons she heard were full of good advice and challenges about how to live.
Accommodating David, living according to his religious views of the world, was an acceptable compromise as far as she was concerned. The weird stuff she could ignore. David talked to Jesus every day—she heard him pray, talking to someone invisible just as clearly as he talked with her. A bit more difficult to deal with, David believed God’s Spirit lived inside him, transforming his character to be like Jesus, which was tipping the credibility scale, in her opinion, but she could deal with it. If they could get married and simply believe different things, she was sure they would be okay.
But—and this was a big problem—his Christianity taught that he should only marry another believer.
She knew he held on to the hope that she would come to believe that Jesus was indeed alive. She could honestly say she wanted to believe that if only because she wanted their lives to move forward without this obstacle in their path. Her problem was deciding which world was reality. Either she did walk around among people who had God’s Spirit dwelling inside them, who were in fact talking with a living Jesus and he with them, or she didn’t. If they were right, if it was true, she was standing on the sidelines of one of the greatest unfolding miracles in human history, and she was missing out.
She didn’t want to miss out. But she wanted whichever was true.
And she honestly thought David was wrong.
If only she could figure out how to know. David said it was as simple as saying, “Jesus, if you are real and alive, please make yourself real to me,” that God was very personal and would communicate back in ways she could understand. If God was real, he had a vibrantly believing spokesperson in David. But so far all she had were more questions.
Even though she recognized David as a loyal, loving man, and she knew she was the person he valued the most on this earth, she also knew she was losing David to his religion in a way she couldn’t put into words. The heart of David was with his God and would never return as totally hers. This had become a one-way journey for him.
David couldn’t step back toward her and say, “I was wrong, this isn’t true,” for he honestly believed it was true. And she couldn’t acknowledge it as true when she didn’t believe it was. That impasse was unbridgeable. They literally needed a miracle.
As much as his decision had gotten them into this never-never land, it was her decision that was holding them there. This was the real reason she was back in Chicago—one last open and honest, heartfelt search for the truth. Either she came to believe or she let David go for his own good. She couldn’t be the one holding David back from a wife and family. Not that she would tell him that. He’d simply continue to wait for her to change her mind. She wiped tears from her cheeks. Even thinking about it was breaking her heart. She’d have to somehow figure out how to believe. It couldn’t be impossible if David had done so—