I looked over to their bedroom door, hoping, praying, that Kiera would step through it. That somehow, some way, Denny was screwing a different woman right now. But Kiera didn’t step out of her room, because she was the other woman. No. I was the other man in this situation. And if I was going to keep having any sort of relationship with Kiera, dealing with this was just something I would have to do. I couldn’t freak out on her like before. I had to keep things light, easy. That was the only way I could keep her.
My vision hazed and the knot in my stomach traveled up my throat. I was going to be sick…I just knew it. I headed downstairs as quickly as I could, but I wasn’t quick enough. I tried not to listen, but I clearly heard Kiera’s final cry as she came…with another man.
I bypassed the kitchen and headed for the downstairs bathroom. I made it just in time to be sick in the toilet instead of the hallway. Luckily there really wasn’t anything in my stomach. I flushed the bile away, then sat back on my heels. Tears stung my eyes, but I fought them down. I had known this would happen. I had to let it happen. I can share her. I can share her. I can do this…
Standing, I walked to the sink and ducked down to rinse out my mouth. When I was more or less put back together, I stumbled into the kitchen and prepared some coffee. Today was just a normal day. No need to let this affect me. The sound of Kiera coming rang through my ears as I poured my cup though. Hers was still sitting on the counter, cold. She’d come downstairs first, and I hadn’t been here…and Denny had swept her away.
I put her mug in the microwave, then sat down at the table and made myself drink. My hands were shaking. I heard the lovebirds coming downstairs before I saw them. With a deep inhale, I prepared myself for nonchalance. Denny was all smiles when he walked into the room. Well, of course. He’d just had a mind-blowing orgasm with a beautiful woman. I’d be smiling too. “G’day, mate.”
“Mornin’…mate.” I did my best to not have any bitterness in my voice. This wasn’t Denny’s fault. This wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just…was.
Kiera didn’t look quite as happy as Denny. She looked uncomfortable. Guilty. Her wet hair was a painful reminder of what she’d just done, so I concentrated on my coffee. I heard Denny kiss her, then he said, “Now I’m going to be late. You’re worth it though.” I knew what he meant by that, and my stomach churned again. I forced it to settle down. I did not want to have to run to the bathroom again.
After Denny said goodbye and left, quietness blanketed the kitchen. I broke it first. “I put your coffee in the microwave. It was cold…”
She walked over to the microwave, started it, then said my name. “Kellan…I’m—”
“Don’t,” I said, interrupting her. I didn’t want to hear an excuse. I didn’t need one, and she didn’t owe me one.
“But…”
Standing up, I walked over to her. I paused well away from her. I just couldn’t be near her right now. Not yet. “You don’t owe me an explanation…” I stared at the floor, unable to look at her. “And you definitely don’t owe me an apology.” I raised my eyes to hers. “So just…don’t say anything, please.”
Sympathetic pain flashed over her face, and tears pricked her eyes as she held her arms open for me. “Come here.”
I hesitated, torn. I wanted to hold her, more than anything, but the sounds of her and Denny weren’t leaving me. I felt like I’d just been electrocuted, and the residual jolts were still crashing through my body, frying me from the inside. I needed her though. She was my greatest pain, and my only salvation. She was the only one who could heal this hole in my heart, a hole she’d torn open.
Slipping my arms around her waist, I buried my head in her neck. I could do this. I could love her and let her go, all at the same time. She rubbed my back as she held me. It hurt, because those hands had just been caressing Denny, but it was soothing too.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice full of regret and pain; this was hard for her too. She didn’t like to hurt people, intentionally or otherwise.
Her words were simple, but they worked. A small Band-Aid of love was placed over the gaping wound of hurt. It didn’t completely heal the void, but it at least kept me from bleeding out. I exhaled a cleansing breath and nodded against her shoulder.
I love you, and you don’t need to apologize, because there is nothing to forgive. You’re not mine…
Chapter 16
My Girl
I drove Kiera to class like normal, but things didn’t entirely feel normal between us. The wall separating us had gotten just a little larger. But I had the power to fix this, to let the hurt go; I just had to be strong enough to do it. I made myself be funny, made myself be light and carefree. Once Kiera was safely tucked into her classroom, I felt exhausted from the effort. Even though I’d slept in today, I wanted to take a nap. I couldn’t though. I had to start mending things with Matt, and now seemed as good a time as any. I didn’t want to let this sit and fester too.