While I watched, Kiera’s eyes filled to the brim with tears. The green depths shimmered at me, and the pain behind them was unmistakable. I frowned as I wiped away a tear that had rolled down her cheek. Why was she crying? “Am I hurting you?” I asked, hoping that I wasn’t; I didn’t ever want to cause her pain.
“Daily,” she whispered.
And there it was. My flirting with her, teasing her, playing with her…trying to kindle the fire between us so she’d accept us…was hurting her. I was a bastard, yet again. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
Her brows scrunched together as she snapped, “Then why are you? Why don’t you leave me alone?”
My heart felt like she’d just tightened a vise around it. You begged me to stay. You cried for me. You made love to me. How can I possibly leave you alone after that? When I love you more than anything else in this world? I just want a part of you, is that too much to ask? I frowned, hoping she wouldn’t tell me it was over…completely over. “Don’t you like this…being with me? Even…just a little?” Please say yes. I can’t handle it if you say no.
She hesitated, like she wasn’t sure what to say, then her entire expression relaxed, as if she’d accepted the truth. Finally. “Yes, I do…but I can’t. I shouldn’t. It’s not right…to Denny.”
Even though I was relieved by her answer, I didn’t feel happy. Denny. Yes, she was right about that. It wasn’t fair to him. None of this was. “True…” I said, nodding. I could only truly share her with him if he agreed too, and he never would. What sort of man would say yes to something like that? What sort of asshole would ask his best friend and the girl of his dreams to enter into a twisted relationship like that? My fingers paused in her hair. “I don’t want to hurt you…either of you.” You both mean so much to me…
We watched each other for several long minutes. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking as she watched me studying her. My mind was a jumble. Denny was innocent in all of this, and he deserved better, but I couldn’t give up my true love. Not entirely.
Kiera and I could still have an intimate relationship, but it would be purely emotional, not sexual. I would sacrifice the sexual aspect and wouldn’t push her to sleep with me. I would respect that part of her and Denny’s relationship, and Kiera and I would go back to the nonsexual contact that we’d had while Denny was gone. Then I would get to keep the closeness that I really needed from her. And if we weren’t being sexual, then we wouldn’t have to feel guilty anymore. This could work.
Or it could backfire…and we’d all lose.
“I’ll leave it at this. Just flirting. I’ll try not to be inappropriate with you. Just friendly flirting, like we used to…”
She seemed surprised by my suggestion. And I suppose it was absurd, but…I needed her to agree to it. I needed this. “Kellan, I don’t think we should even…not since that night. Not since we’ve…”
I smiled that she still couldn’t say it. The memories of our intimacies flooded through me, but I let them flow right out. I could give that up, if it meant I got to keep her. I stroked her cheek, wishing it was more, but knowing it never could be. “I need to be close to you, Kiera. This is the best compromise I can offer you.” A burst of wickedness flashed through me, and the words escaped my mouth before I could stop them. “Or I could just take you right here on the couch.”
Stiffening on my lap, it was clear she didn’t find my suggestion funny. “I’m joking, Kiera.” I sighed.
She shook her head. “No, no you’re not, Kellan. That’s the problem. If I said okay…”
I smiled as the thought of making love to her again clouded my senses. “I would do whatever you asked.” Anything. Everything. Just say yes.
She looked away from me, exposing her neck. I trailed my finger along her cheek, down to her collarbone, and then to her waist again. She was so beautiful…Kiera looked back at me with a sharp glare, and I gave her a sheepish grin. This was going to be harder than I thought. Much harder.
“Oops…sorry. I will try.” I promise. Just give me a chance. Things were so good between us before. I want that back. No, I need it. Please, Kiera.
She didn’t say yes, but she didn’t object anymore either. I took that as a sign that she was considering it. I hoped so. I resumed stroking her hair, and eventually the repetitive motion lulled her to sleep. I smiled as I watched her eyes close. As much fun as it was to rile her up, to leave her squirming with desire and panting for breath, having her like this, calm and peaceful, was nice too, in a different way. I wanted to experience every emotion with her. Well, all the good ones at least.