Not looking up, I told her, “Don’t. Just go. Denny has probably noticed your absence by now.” And he’s the one you want to be with, right? I don’t need your sympathy. I need your love. But that, you’ll never give me.
Kiera turned and fled the stand, and then I was alone. Again.
Chapter 13
Stay or Go?
I stayed in that espresso stand for what felt like hours. I heard people come and go, and had to assume that one of the cars leaving the lot had Kiera and Denny inside it. My skin stung as my shirt brushed against my cuts when I put it back on, but I welcomed the pain. It was a reminder that I was an idiot. I deserved to have my heart bashed in. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
As I walked to my car, I recalled the moments before Kiera and I had caved. She’d begged me to stay. The first girl in my life who’d asked me to stick around. The first person ever. Even my own parents had never asked me to come back when I’d run away. No, instead they’d sold the house, moved, and tossed all my shit. They’d thrown me away, and that was what I expected from everyone else. But Kiera…she’d cried for me. Sobbed. Her tears had been genuine…she couldn’t fake emotion like that.
I stumbled to my car, disoriented by my conflicting thoughts. I hated her. I loved her. She didn’t give a shit about me. She cared so much, she’d cried. Okay…so what the fuck do I do with all of that? And did any of it matter? She was still Denny’s girl. He’d still been the one to take her home. He’d won, and a part of me wanted it that way; after what I’d done behind his back, he deserved to have it all—the career and the girl.
Climbing inside my car, I started it, then pulled out of the parking lot. I wasn’t sure where to go. My options were endless, but the results were all the same. Anywhere I took off to, I would be completely alone. That really only left one option.
A set of watery hazel eyes filled my vision. Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me. She’d begged for me to stay. She’d given herself to me, even though Denny had been less than a hundred yards away. That had to mean something…and I would never know what if I left. She might very well be the first person to ever have feelings for me. She might just be confused, because she had feelings for Denny too. We’d had a real moment together tonight. We’d spoken real emotions, real fears. She wasn’t playing me, she wasn’t faking. She wasn’t a whore or a bitch. She was confused, hurting, and scared…just like me.
My heart softening, I relaxed into my seat. What if we were more alike than I realized? What if she was only with Denny because she didn’t like being alone and she didn’t know any other way? Or what if she loved him, but she felt something for me too? Could I share her with him? Would that be better than nothing, better than being empty and alone? Denny could have the majority of her, but I would get small, tiny fragments…like tonight, when she’d asked me to stay. Could I live with just that much?
I wasn’t sure, but I knew one thing. I couldn’t leave. The pull to her was too strong now. I’d missed my window of opportunity. I was here for good now, to see this through, one way or another. And I knew it would hurt. It would probably be the death of me. But…life was overrated anyway, and a second with her was better than decades on my own. If my life was destined to be a sea of emptiness without her, then I was glad to give it up.
I headed for home through the side streets. I wanted time to think before I got there. I wanted to make sure I could do what I was planning on doing. I couldn’t go back to the angry, painful dance Kiera and I had been engaged in since Denny had returned. No, if I was going to go home and stay with her, then we were going to have a relationship—a mutually agreed-upon one. I needed closeness. I needed to hold her, and I needed to be held by her. If she pushed me out again, this wouldn’t work.
By the time I got back to the house, it was so late, it was almost time to get up. I was giddy when I walked through the front doors. Oddly, I felt completely at peace. Kiera liked me. She wanted me to be here, and so here I was. And we would all be happy and joyous again. So long as no one found out that Kiera and I had feelings for each other.
Denny woke up and ambled downstairs. A smidge of guilt seeped into me, but I pushed it aside. What I had with Kiera was more than I’d ever had in my life with anyone. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t let it go. It didn’t really have anything to do with him anyway.
I made a pot of coffee while Denny prepared himself a mug of tea, and we talked about random things that had nothing to do with what was happening between Kiera and me right underneath his nose. While I was sitting at the table, sipping my coffee, I heard someone running down the stairs. Denny didn’t seem to notice the commotion; he was leaning against the counter, sipping his tea, and watching the TV in the living room.