Thoughtful(55)

Even as I thought it, I put the car in reverse. I wanted to stay, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

I took off down the street, not knowing where I was going, just knowing I needed to drive. I needed to think. Before I knew it, I was driving through Olympia. Maybe I’d just keep going? What was here for me? A girl I couldn’t have, who I also couldn’t get away from. But maybe I could have her. As unlikely as it seemed, I would never know if I ran away.

Grunting in frustration, I jerked the wheel at the last possible moment to get off the freeway. Then I drove around town until I found a twenty-four-hour restaurant. A girl around my age greeted me with a bright smile.

“One or two?” she asked, looking behind me to see if I was alone or not. That’s the question of the day, isn’t it?

“One,” I muttered, feeling very alone as the word reverberated through my head.

“Great! Follow me.” The waitress led me to a nearby table, asked if I wanted coffee, then left to get a pot when I said I did. She seemed thrilled that I was by myself. I wasn’t. I should go home.

While I debated the odds of Kiera caring about me, the waitress returned with coffee and pie; it had a berry filling that smelled incredible. She set it down in front of me with a playful wink. “On the house.” I wasn’t in the mood for flirting, so I only gave her a polite “Thanks” in return.

I stayed at the restaurant for a while, drinking a bottomless cup of coffee and pushing the pie around my plate. With a hopeful smile, the waitress left when her shift was over, but I stayed. I stayed well past sunrise, then I figured it was time to go somewhere else. After paying my bill, I slowly made my way back home.

I sighed when the Seattle skyline came into view again. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to sit down with Kiera and have a heart-to-heart. I needed to tell her that over the last several weeks, when it had just been the two of us, I’d grown fond of her. I cared about her, more than I cared about anyone, and I wanted her to be mine. Because I was head-over-heels, ends-of-the-earth, till-death-do-us-part in love with her. God, I was such an idiot.

I took a freeway exit that led downtown. I wasn’t ready to go home yet, and Kiera was probably still sleeping it off anyway. I’d give her a chance to wake up and recover before I bombarded her with my pathetic, unrequited feelings. Heading down to the water, I found a place to park by the pier and paid for all-day parking, just in case. Stepping out of my car, I inhaled the fresh midmorning air and decided to go for a walk. That would clear my head and calm my nerves. Then I’d be ready to face her, and my fears. I was sure of it.

I walked for hours. I covered so much ground, my feet started to hurt. But that pain was still better than having Kiera tell me she didn’t feel what I felt. I couldn’t stand the thought of what was between us being one-sided. The way she’d caressed me last night, kissed me…she had to care about me. She just had to.

When the sun was low in the sky, I knew it was time to man up, go home, and do this. Fuck. I wanted to pull her into my arms, hold her, kiss her, tell her I was sorry I bailed and left her alone this morning, and then tell her I loved her. That was what I wanted to do. It was also what I didn’t want to do.

My heart was hammering when I neared my street. Fuck, I was really going to do this. I was going to lay it all out there, throw my heart at her feet, and hope she didn’t tear it into tiny chunks. She could destroy me…or she could say she felt the same, and my life could completely change. It was that possibility that kept me going.

I had to breathe out of my mouth when I pulled onto my street. This was it. All or nothing.

When my house appeared, I noticed something that made my heart drop. The Honda was gone. I’d been killing myself stressing with worry, and Kiera wasn’t even home. Where the hell was she? Oh, it was Monday. Of course. She’d had class today, then she’d gone to Pete’s. I thought about pulling out of the drive and heading straight to the bar, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t pour my heart and soul out to her at a bar, with dozens of people watching. No, this needed to be just the two of us. Private. Then we’d figure everything out, and we would decide to be together. I’d be her boyfriend. She’d be my girlfriend. A tingle went through me at just the thought. Girlfriend. I’d never had one before. I couldn’t wait for Kiera to be the first. God, I hoped she said yes.

I yawned as I climbed out of the car. I was so freaking tired. The smell of alcohol hit me the minute I stepped into the entryway. Oops. I hadn’t cleaned up our mess yet. I had a smile on my face the entire time I put stuff away; last night had been amazing. The second I was done cleaning up, the phone rang. Hoping it was Kiera, I eagerly answered it. “Hello?”