The memory of who I was before she came into my life, exactly a year ago, pounded through my brain—the loneliness, the desperation to connect—I couldn’t go back to that emptiness. I wouldn’t survive it. “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I muttered, barely conscious of saying it. I don’t want to be without you anymore. Ever.
Her expression full of confidence and compassion, Kiera grabbed my face and told me she wouldn’t ever leave me. Then she kissed me as fiercely as she could, pouring her heart into the action. I twisted our bodies so we were facing each other as we continued making love. And even though we were as close as two people could get, I pulled her tighter. “I don’t want to be without you,” I whispered.
“I’m right here, Kellan.” Grabbing my hand, she placed it over her heart. “I’m with you…I’m right here.”
Having everything I’d ever wanted laid out in front of me was too much, too powerful. I didn’t know how to handle the vast amount of love and joy churning within me, and I was momentarily struck with terror that it would all crumble to dust in an instant. But I knew her words were honest and true, and I found some comfort in them.
My hand over Kiera’s heart seared her hope and love into me, relaxing me. She placed her fingers over my heart, and I hoped she felt my love pouring into her too. I got lost in the rhythm of our bodies, the smell of her wrapped around me, the softness of where our skin touched. And, above it all, the rising tide of bliss that was quickly overtaking me. I knew I was getting close, but I didn’t want to feel this life-altering moment on my own, so cupping her cheek, I begged her to finish with me. Still teetering on an emotional cliff, I also told her that I didn’t want to be alone again.
She told me I wasn’t alone anymore, then she completely fell apart. Experiencing her response, both verbal and physical, pushed me over the edge. At the peak of the moment, we locked eyes, and the entire world seemed to come to a stop. And in that moment, all of my lingering fears vanished. I wasn’t alone. We were in this together now—100 percent.
Our first time together as a genuine couple was one of those pebble-in-the-pond moments that I knew I would remember for the rest of my life. And it was only the first of many, many moments that we were going to share together. Hopefully, it was the beginning of a lifetime together. Because that was what I wanted with her. Forever.
And a lifetime together actually seemed possible now. Several things were seeming possible lately. Matt had gotten confirmation about Bumbershoot. We were gonna rock the festival this summer, and who knew where that might lead. Denny and I continued to be on speaking terms. He even knew that Kiera and I were officially together, and he was still cordial with me. The other D-Bags were doing well. Rachel and Matt were still together, and so were Evan and Jenny. Griffin and Anna were…well, they were happy with whatever they were doing with each other. And Kiera and I…we were progressing at a steady pace, and I’d never been happier in all my life. Yes. Things were definitely looking up.
I’d never really given much thought to my future before now. I guess I’d never really believed I would have one, or one with any true significance or meaning. But now, so many things seemed possible to me, and those possibilities gave my life new meaning and purpose. I was actually excited to see what might happen next. I just prayed to God that I didn’t do anything stupid to screw it all up. I supposed only time would tell, but with Kiera by my side I felt good about my odds. I felt good about our odds. And for the first time, I was beginning to believe that my parents had been wrong about me. Sure, I might make mistakes, I might do things I shouldn’t, I might stumble and fall, and I might even hurt people in the process, but I was going to be just fine. We all were.
Bonus Material
Dear Reader,
I hope you enjoyed Thoughtful! Writing Kellan’s story was a time-consuming labor of love. Countless hours were spent making sure every single moment of the time period before, during, and after Thoughtless was captured. As a result, the original manuscript was huge! I mean, mammoth! Printing a book that size really wasn’t feasible, so sadly, it had to be trimmed for publication. But thanks to the magic of ebooks, I’m able to add a couple of those scenes back in for you, as bonus material. I hope you enjoy the extra insight!
There were quite a few cut scenes to choose from, but I decided to include the full confessions scene at the Space Needle. I really felt that fans of Thoughtless would be okay with the scene being omitted, since most of the revelations are already covered in Kellan’s thoughts, but I also felt that new fans of the series would like the more in-depth explanation of just what happened to Kellan in his past.