With a huff, she straightened and stalked away from me. I watched her hips swaying as she walked, and thought she was probably right. Griffin sure as hell couldn’t shut up about her. He was going to flip his lid once he found out she was back.
Once Anna was gone, I opened my palm and stared at the guitar pendant I’d been hiding in my fingers. I’d cleaned off the blood the last time I’d gone to the bathroom, and it glistened in the lights. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it, but staring at it was oddly soothing, and I found myself doing it all the time.
Now that Anna was here, it seemed like things were falling into place for Kiera. That made me feel better. Anna would take care of her. I could let her go now. Maybe that was what I should do with the necklace—toss it in the trash and let it go.
I stuffed it back into my pocket instead. I couldn’t completely let Kiera go.
Anna was true to her word, and quickly found a place for her and Kiera. Once Kiera got out of the hospital, she’d be all set for her new life…without me. I wouldn’t even see her at Pete’s anymore; Jenny told me she quit. My world felt like it was crashing down around me, but I guess that was how breakups felt. I wouldn’t know; I’d never had one before.
Everyone was helping Anna and Kiera get situated in their new place, so I helped too. I thought it would be cathartic, but really, it was just painful. I didn’t have much to offer, but I gave Anna the only decent thing I owned—my comfortable chair. Kiera should have it. Maybe she’d think of me whenever she sat on it.
Leaving the hospital with Kiera still inside it had been difficult, but walking through her new apartment was so much worse. She’d build a life here, and I wouldn’t be a part of it. Walking past a box of things in the hallway, I paused and reached into my jacket. Making sure no one was around, I pulled out Kiera’s necklace. I stared at it a moment in the dark hallway, debating, then I turned my palm around and dumped it into the box. It wasn’t mine to keep. I had given it to Kiera and, much like my plush chair, I wanted her to have it. I would remember Kiera in my own way.
Later, when I was walking through my home, the enormity of its emptiness settled over me. Everything of Kiera’s was gone; all I had left were memories…but even those would fade with enough time. If I still had her necklace, I could stare at it, or wear it, and have something with me all the time that would remind me of her, but I didn’t. All I had was an elastic hair band in my pocket, and that would eventually fray and snap as it aged. It wasn’t enough. I wanted something more…permanent…to remind me of her.
A thought struck me as I headed back to my car. It overwhelmed me so fast, I had to lean against the door as I processed what I’d just imagined. Permanent. There was only one thing I could think of that wouldn’t fade, break, or shatter. I could have her with me every second of every day. I could carry her, on my skin, seared into my flesh…permanently.
An ancient conversation floated through my brain…Do you have one? Tattoo? No, I can’t think of anything I’d want permanently etched on my skin. Only now, I could. Her. I wanted Kiera’s name branded on me for all time, because she was permanent. I would always love her. Always.
Chapter 33
Missing You
Kiera was released from the hospital the following day. The news was bittersweet for me. She was healed enough to go home, which was great, but that meant I had to go home too. We’d be so much farther apart now. But that was what needed to happen.
I left the hospital before Kiera was cleared. I didn’t want her to accidentally see me downstairs and read too much into it. We were done, and that fact wasn’t changing. My house was frigid when I stepped inside it. As I trudged up the stairs, I wondered if it would always be chilly here now, if that was my new reality—bone-numbing cold. When I got to the top of the stairs, I saw that Kiera and Denny’s door was open. In slow motion, I walked over to it and peeked inside. All I saw was the bleakness of Joey’s worn furniture. Pained, I gently closed the door. I wasn’t going in there ever again, so there was no point in having it open. I wouldn’t be renting that room anymore either. I couldn’t. Even though she would never be returning to it, the room belonged to Kiera. I may as well board the door shut.
Feeling worn to the bone, I headed to my room and crashed on my bed. That was when I noticed that the Ramones poster Kiera had given me was still hanging on my wall. Even though I should take it down, I left it up. No matter what I did, Kiera would always be with me. Ripping down her memento wouldn’t change that fact.