Thoughtful(198)

“I’m sorry…I didn’t think…”

He recrossed his arms. “No, you didn’t. How could you ditch us like that? How could you abandon us? What the fuck were we supposed to do without you?” He lifted a hand into the air, like he was dumbfounded by my actions.

I felt like the biggest jackass on the planet. I’d been so stupid, so selfish. I needed to stop that. I needed to grow up. “I don’t know. I didn’t think of it that way. I just…I guess I thought you’d replace me and move on. I didn’t think it would be a big deal…”

Evan’s mouth dropped wide open. “Are you high? It is a big deal. We can’t just replace you. You’re not something that we can run down to the store and get another one of on a whim. There are no D-Bags without you.” Careful not to hurt me, he placed his hand on my shoulder. “You say this is our band, but I’m not an idiot. It’s not ours. This is your band, because you’re the only one of us who truly is irreplaceable. And we will follow you to the ends of the earth, Kellan, because we believe in you. Don’t you get that?”

With a disgruntled noise, he shoved my shoulder away from him. I took a step back as his words sank in. Irreplaceable? Me? That didn’t sound right. I felt extremely…replaceable. My bandmates had never been anything but honest, patient, accepting, and incredibly loyal though. We’re your family now. Get that through your damn skull! I was an idiot. Evan was right. We were family.

Thinking about my new family brought to mind a startling statement that Evan had made about my old one. Your real parents may have been shit…Shoving aside my lingering insecurities, I asked, “How do you know about my parents?”

Evan’s expression softened as he answered me. “You told me, Kellan.” I tilted my head in confusion. I never talked about them to anyone. Denny only knew because he’d witnessed the abuse. Evan understood my bewilderment and explained. “You were completely shit-faced at the time, so you probably don’t remember. It was after you saw the house they left you…after you saw that all your stuff was gone. You told me that they’d moved and hadn’t let you know. I was pretty surprised by that, but…then you told me what they used to do to you.”

By the horrified look on his face, I was guessing I’d been pretty graphic. Shit. I’d told him. He knew. Did that mean…everyone else did too? “Did you…Did you tell…?”

He shook his head. “No, I didn’t tell anybody else. It’s not my story to tell,” he said with a shrug.

I closed my eyes as relief washed over me. I didn’t want to be looked at like a victim. I didn’t want to see the sympathy on people’s faces. I didn’t want to answer questions. I didn’t want to think about it. I thought about it enough. “Thank you. I don’t…I don’t talk about it…”

“Maybe you should?” Evan quietly asked.

I peeked up at him. His brown eyes were soft with compassion. “Maybe…” I whispered. Someday. When it doesn’t hurt so much. Although, it had been easier than I’d thought it would be to talk to Kiera. That was different though. She was different.

After Evan left to get my car, I stepped into the bathroom and changed. I examined my face in the mirror when I was dressed again. Damn, Denny did a number on me. Dad had usually stayed away from my face; he preferred bruising me in places that weren’t so obvious. Denny hadn’t cared about being discreet, and my face was a detailed map of his fury.

A gash in my lip split it in two, which made smiling, talking, doing just about anything with my mouth painful. My cheek was cut, bruising, and being held together by surgical tape. One eye was near swollen shut, and would be completely black and blue in a few days. The other had a cut above it that was also taped together. Add that to my broken arm, broken ribs, and more bruises and scrapes than I could count, and I was a complete and total mess.

Shoving my dirty clothes into the bag, I stepped back into the room. Denny looked over at me; he seemed a little relieved that I wasn’t covered in blood anymore. “Evan left?” he asked.

I nodded as I sat back down in my chair. “Yeah. He’s bringing my car back here.”

Denny looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “I should have gone with him. I could have driven him out there…”

“No offense, but I don’t think he wants to be around you right now.” I tried to put that as politely as possible, but I was pretty sure Evan was still shocked by my appearance. And Kiera’s.