“No!” she yelled. Glancing at the door fearfully, she slapped a hand over her mouth.
I bunched my brows, confused. Why did she care if I kicked Griffin out? “You want me to keep him in the band?”
Dropping her hand, she gave me a faint, amused smile, then she frowned. “No, I don’t want him to know—ever! He won’t stay silent about that. He’d tell everyone, in horrifying detail. He’d tell Denny! Please, don’t ever—”
She was really starting to freak out. In an attempt to calm her, I put my hands on her shoulders. “Okay. It’s okay. I won’t tell him anything, Kiera.” When she let out a sigh of relief, I added, “It wouldn’t matter anyway. He’s told too many people already.” Hating that this was hurting her, that this was going to hurt Denny, I brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, but Denny will find out that you lied to him…and then he’ll start to wonder why.”
She gazed up at me, like I was her saving grace. Like I had all the answers. I wished I did. “And then what? After he knows I lied, how long do you think we have?”
“How long before Denny figures out that we’ve slept together?” That was the question of the day, wasn’t it? Interlacing our fingers again, I rested against the seat. “Well, if you stay out here with me all night, he’ll probably have it figured out by morning.” With a laugh, I rested my cheek on her head. I felt her relaxing against me, and knew my brief moment of humor had calmed her down some. Although, there was a lot of truth in my statement. We needed to go inside soon.
When the levity passed, I told her, “I don’t know, Kiera. A few hours, maybe? A couple of days at the most.”
That alarmed her. Pulling back, she sputtered, “Hours? But…he has no real proof. He couldn’t possibly think…”
Her eyes were gorgeous in the moonlight—a deep, dark green surrounded by flecks of golden brown. They glistened in her fear, but behind the anxiety, I saw affection. A deeply rooted affinity…for me. It spoke volumes without saying a word. Releasing her hand, I ran the back of my finger down her cheek. “He has all the proof he needs, right here.” The eyes don’t lie, and yours say you love me.
“What do we do, Kellan?”
She peeked up at the house, like she was afraid Denny would hear my answer. Maybe he should. Maybe we should walk in there, hand in hand, wake him up…and tell him that the life he once knew was over. That we’d both betrayed him. My heart seized at just the thought of confronting him. A voice from the past drifted to me, along with a memory—Denny, his lip cut, swollen and bloody, courtesy of my father; a split lip that had been meant for me. Denny’s hand on my shoulder while I shook with trepidation, afraid of how my father was going to retaliate for someone saving me. Denny hadn’t been scared. Not one little bit. I’m here for you, Kellan. I’ll always be here for you. And this is how I repaid him for his sacrifice? Crushing his relationship to irreparable pieces? No…I couldn’t face him. I’d rather run…
“I can start the car, and we can be in Oregon before the sun comes up.” I was such a coward.
I could almost see her contemplating it as I stared into her eyes—the two of us running into the sunset, fleeing from our problems, never looking back at the destruction we were leaving in our wake. As we gazed at each other, her breath started getting faster and shorter. Before long, she was nearly wheezing, and she started hunching over like she was going to be sick. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t leave him. She wouldn’t ever leave him. I was living in a fantasy…but it was so nice here…I wasn’t ready to leave either.
I stroked her hair to soothe her. “Hey. Breathe, Kiera, it’s okay…Breathe.” Cupping her cheek, I tried to get her to focus on what was happening now, tried to get her to let go of whatever vision was rolling around her head. “Look at me. Breathe.”
Her eyes locked onto mine, and her breathing slowed and deepened. Tears fell off her jaw as she shook it back and forth. “Not like that. He’s too much a part of me. I need time. I can’t talk about this yet.”
Her reaction to just the thought of leaving him solidified the truth for me and dissolved the illusion I’d been holding on to. She cared for me, loved me even, but she wouldn’t leave him. She couldn’t. I knew she wasn’t ready to think about making a choice yet, but I also knew that when she made her choice…it wouldn’t be me.
I nodded, but I felt the fragile hold on “us” slipping. I felt time ticking faster. I won’t have long with her. Maybe seeing my conclusion on my face, Kiera whispered, “I’m so sorry, Kellan.”