Before my interference, Denny and Kiera had had a consistent, comforting peace, while Kiera and I seemed to only have turbulent turmoil. Hopefully I hadn’t messed them up too much. Hopefully they could work through their issues and reconnect. “You and Denny are good together. You should stay with him.”
Waves of jealousy and despair crept up on me, and I stared at the floor, hoping they would pass. They didn’t. I wasn’t sure how I could do this, how I could let the only person who had ever shown me an ounce of tenderness go. I loved her so much, I had no choice but to release her. But not completely. I decided right then and there that I wouldn’t tell her the truth about Anna. She would feel a spark of jealousy over that deception, and I would feel a spark of jealousy over her relationship with Denny. In that trivial way, we’d still be connected. Until either Anna or Griffin finally told her the truth. Then even that would be gone, but maybe that was for the best.
A tear I couldn’t hold back fell onto my cheek as I looked up at her. “I’ll make this right. It will be like it should be.” I won’t go near you again. I won’t bother you again. I won’t touch you again. And maybe one day, I’ll actually get over you.
Days went by…they felt like years. I thought things with Kiera would eventually get easier. I thought that after a while, it wouldn’t kill me to be around her but not touch her. I thought I would be fine seeing her loving relationship with Denny. I thought wrong. Every day my chest hurt, it was hard to breathe, and I felt like my head was imploding. I avoided Kiera at all costs. I made sure we were never alone together, and I made sure I never touched her. I spent all day in a fog of loneliness, wishing things were different, and I spent every night staring at my ceiling, willing myself to move on. But every morning when I woke up, the pain started over. I couldn’t let what we had go, and nothing was getting better.
Whenever I was around Kiera, I watched her relentlessly. I ached with the need to touch her, and when I looked into her eyes, I saw the same need reflected back at me. Regardless of her heart, she wanted to be in my arms. But she needed to forget about what we’d had, and I needed to forget about how much I loved her. Things needed to change, for both our sakes.
Oddly, I found something at Pete’s that I thought might help, but it wasn’t alcohol. There was a girl at a table who could have been Kiera’s twin, and I couldn’t stop staring at her. She was so similar…it would be so easy to pretend…and pretending would help me survive this grief.
I could do this. I was good at this. It would block the pain…and that was all that mattered.
After a brief conversation and lots of playful flirting, I took the pseudo-Kiera home with me. Stepping into my house, I was bombarded by the familiar scent of the real Kiera. I closed my eyes for a second, wondering if I could go through with this. I have to. I have to move on. After the girl shut my front door, I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen. I needed a drink.
“Want anything?” I asked her as I opened the fridge and looked around for some beer.
She came up behind me. Leaning in, she sucked on my earlobe, then whispered, “I want you.”
My mouth dropped open, and my eyes fluttered closed. Her low, husky voice made it so easy to picture Kiera. Yes…this was exactly what I needed. Keeping my eyes shut, I closed the fridge and pressed her against it. An erotic moan escaped her lips…Kiera’s lips. Needing her, needing this, I found her mouth. God Kiera, I’ve missed you.
Our mouths moved together frantically, and a groan escaped me. Kiera…yes. I felt her tongue brush mine, and all the pain of our separation left me. We were together again. I could have her, night after night, with no guilt. Everything was fine. Everything was good again.
She wrapped her leg around my body, and I ran my hand up her skirt. Fuck, yes. I’ve missed this, Kiera. I’ve missed you. My body was aching in a different way now. I needed her, I needed to be inside her. I needed to hear her cry out. I needed to feel that connection between us.
Just as I was about to beg her to come upstairs with me, my fantasy crumbled. I heard soft footsteps entering the kitchen, and I knew the real Kiera had just found me. Looking toward the door, I saw that I was right. Kiera was standing in the grayness of the entryway, her eyes wide with shock. Fuck. No. I hadn’t wanted her to see this, to see my desperation, but…I guess she should know that I was moving on. Or trying to. Maybe if she saw me moving forward with other people, she’d stop looking at me with those hazel eyes full of longing. I couldn’t resist the longing. I couldn’t resist her. I needed a distraction; surely she understood that.