My temper sparked hers. Her chin lifted, she snapped back, “No! Talk to me. Don’t hide out here, talk to me!”
Talk to her? What the fuck could she possibly want to talk about? How much she loved Denny, and how little she thought of me? No thanks, I didn’t want to fucking hear that. I took a step toward her; we were both soaked now. “What do you want me to say?”
Her jaw quivered and her voice was thick with anger. “Why won’t you leave me alone? Tell me that! I told you before that it was over, that I wanted Denny. But you still torment me…”
“Torment you?”
Was she joking? She was the one who teased me on a near-constant basis. Just the way she looked at me would be enough to have most men begging on their knees. And the way she kissed me was an invitation for sex in most men’s books.
“You’re the one who—”
I stopped myself in the nick of time. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing just what she did to me. How much I wanted her. How much I fucking loved her. How much it fucking hurt that I would never be good enough for her. How much I wished I didn’t give a shit about her. How much it killed me when she brought me to the brink. How much I wished we hadn’t stopped tonight.
“The one who what?” she yelled into the sudden silence.
I looked back at her. Really? She just couldn’t let anything go, could she? I was trying to not go off on her, but I couldn’t hold my tongue another fucking minute. If she wanted the truth, then fine, I would give her the fucking truth, in the simplest, crudest way I could give it to her. Maybe then she’d fucking understand just how not-innocent her innocent flirting was.
I gave her a smile as dark as my shattered heart. “Do you really want to know what I’m thinking right now?” I took a step toward her; she backed away. “I’m thinking…that you…are a fucking tease, and I should have just fucked you anyway!”
Pure venom running through my veins, I took another step, putting me toe-to-toe with her. I could grab her, shove her into the car, and finish this, right now. Knowing I should step away and calm down, but also knowing it was too late, words left my mouth that I instantly regretted. “I should fuck you right now, like the whore you really—”
Her hand connected with my cheek before the words finished leaving my foul mouth. The hit was twice as hard as her earlier smack; I was sure I had red marks. I was really tired of being fucking hit! I shoved her against the car. “You started this. All of this! Where did you think our ‘innocent’ flirting was heading? How long did you think you could lead me on?” I cinched my fingers around her arm; I wasn’t even conscious of what I was saying anymore. “Do I still…torment you? Do you still want me?”
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she answered my question. “No…now I really do hate you!”
I felt like she’d reached inside and hollowed out my soul. Only residual anger kept me standing. “Good! Then get in the fucking car!”
Not knowing what the fuck I was doing, I shoved her into the open car door. When her feet were clear, I slammed the door shut. I wanted to open it again and slam it even harder, but I couldn’t function enough to do that. Oh God. What the fuck did I just do? Why the fuck would I say those things to her? And her face…genuine hatred had been on her face. And now she was crying. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had just fucked everything. It was bad before, but now…I’d burned a bridge, I knew it. Jesus Christ. I’d just lost her forever.
I paced in front of my car. What do I do now? What the fuck do I do now? How the fuck do I take that back? How do I fix this? Can I fix this?
Not knowing what else to do, I stalked over to the driver’s-side door. If I’d just gone to my side in the first place, none of this would have happened. If I’d left her alone at the club, none of this would have happened. If I’d left Seattle, none of this would have happened.
Irritated, frustrated, scared, I got in the car and slammed my door shut. The silence in the car was oppressive. The very air between us was different. Everything was different now, because of my big fucking mouth. “Damn it!” I snapped, slamming my hand on the wheel. It was never supposed to be this way. “Damn it, damn it, damn it, Kiera.”
I beat the shit out of my steering wheel, then lowered my head to the tight leather. “Damn it, I never should have stayed here…”
When I lifted my head, I felt empty, alone, and freezing cold. I pinched the bridge of my nose to try to relieve the pressure headache that was building, but nothing was helping. I was fucked. And alone. Completely alone. Again.