My answer made her worn eyes even sadder; it was clear she’d slept about as little as I had. “I know, Kellan, but I’ve been so preoccupied, wrapped up in you…” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’m ignoring him.”
A surge of hope went through me, and it burned as it radiated around my heart. Grabbing her arms, I pulled her in close. I searched her eyes, looking for a glimpse of the love that I sometimes felt from her. “You’re wrapped up in me. What does that say, Kiera? You want to be with me. You want to be more than friends. Some part of you wants me too.” I know you have feelings for me. I know there’s something here between us. You begged me to stay.
Shutting me out, she closed her eyes. “Please, Kellan, you’re tearing me in two. I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.”
She was pushing me away, and it was hurting her; she didn’t really want to do this. She wanted me, and she didn’t want to end this any more than I wanted her to. “Kiera, look at me…please.” If she’d only open her eyes, see the sincerity on my face, then she wouldn’t end this. I love you. Don’t leave me.
Her eyes compressed so tightly together that her eyelashes interlaced. “No, I can’t, okay? This isn’t right, it doesn’t feel right. You don’t feel right. Just don’t, please don’t touch me anymore.”
She was lying. I knew she was. Nothing on earth felt more right than when we held each other. We were meant to be together. “Kiera, I know you don’t really feel that way.” Holding her to me, feeling that rightness wrap around me, I whispered in her ear, “I know you feel something here…” It just has to be love that you feel for me. It has to be…You cried for me.
She opened her eyes, but didn’t look at me. Gaze focused on my chest, she firmly pushed herself away from me. “No. I don’t want you. I want to be with him. I’m in love with him.”
Every word she spoke was like a chunk being torn out of my heart. I didn’t want to hear it, I didn’t want to believe it, but…I knew she was telling the truth. I’d always known Denny was her choice. I couldn’t compete with him. I didn’t stand a chance.
Kiera finally looked up at me then. She had to see the agony on my face, but that didn’t stop her. With compassionate eyes, she finished ripping my heart to pieces. “I’m attracted to you…but I feel nothing for you, Kellan.”
I feel nothing for you? Nothing? So, she didn’t love me after all. There was nothing I could say to that, so I let her go and left the kitchen.
I couldn’t be in the house with her. Hearing her, seeing her…smelling her…it hurt too much. I felt numb, and I couldn’t believe that it was over. It was actually over. A part of me didn’t want to let go. I wanted to keep teasing her, riling her up, making her remember what we had together. But if she didn’t feel anything for me, what was the point? I didn’t just want to be a good time to her, I wanted her to care. I thought she’d cared. I’d been so sure, but I was wrong.
Climbing into my car, I debated leaving again. I could run away, try to forget her. I knew I never would though. She would always be in my mind. From now until the day I died, I would be in love with her.
I went to Evan’s for rehearsal, then stayed there when everyone went to Pete’s afterward. I didn’t want to see Kiera. I couldn’t. Not yet. I was still processing everything she’d said. It seemed off somehow, and I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around it. With her heart and soul in her eyes, she’d asked me not to leave her. Her begging me to stay in that parking lot hadn’t been because she was merely attracted to me. There had been more going on. There had to have been. She wouldn’t risk her relationship with Denny over a charming smile.
I was staring up at Evan’s ceiling, pondering that, when I heard his door open. “Kell, you still here? What happened? I thought you said you’d be right behind us?”
Evan walked into his apartment with a naturally confused expression. Faking a yawn, I blinked and sat up on his couch. “What time is it?” I asked, my voice groggy. “I must have fallen asleep.”
When the guys had packed up their stuff and headed out to the bar, I’d told them I wanted to jot down some lyrics I’d just thought up, and I’d join them when I was done. Not wanting to mess with my creative process, they’d all given me the space I’d needed—no questions asked. I hadn’t written down a damn thing though; my mind was spinning way too fast for any decent lyric to pop out. I felt kind of bad about lying to the guys, but I couldn’t tell them I was avoiding Kiera. I couldn’t tell them anything.