I held my hands up, pleading. “I’m sorry. I thought…”
She stormed over to me, put one hand on my chest, one around my neck, and pulled me into her. Not sure what she was doing, I stopped talking and backed up a step. She pulled me into her again and stared me down. Her face was pure passion and desire. She wasn’t pushing me away. She wasn’t rejecting me. This was happening. We were going to be together again. We were going to make love again. Fuck, I wanted her so bad.
She ran her hands down to my pants and pulled on the loops of my jeans until our hips touched. Her body sent ripples of desire through mine. Yes. We were going to be together soon. We’d be tangled up in each other’s arms, naked, electrified. Her lips would be on mine, her tongue would trace the outline of my abs. My hands would feel every soft inch of her. My fingers would feel her wetness. And I would taste her before I entered her. I was going to take her, right here, right now…with Denny right next door.
Fuck.
“Kiera…?” I couldn’t say it. I could only glance toward her bedroom and hope she knew what I meant. Do you want to do this, when he’s right there, only a few feet away?
My actions broke through her fog of desire. I could see the indecision on her face, the instant pain and confusion, and I immediately wanted to take the question back. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, pull her onto my bed…do all the things I’d dreamed of doing with her, and forget all the reasons why we couldn’t. Reality could wait, I just wanted a moment of bliss to physically deepen our connection. But I’d already ruined it by ripping apart the illusion we’d constructed and allowing reality to crash down upon us, drowning us. There was no going back now.
Determination filled Kiera’s face, like she was fortifying herself. Before she even said the words, I knew she was finally putting a stop to this. Leaning into me, she breathed, “Don’t touch me again. I’m not yours.” Her eyes watered after she said it, like it cut her to be so blunt with me. But her resolve was firm, and after shoving me onto the bed, she fled from the room.
Stunned, crushed, and still hard with desire, I lay there on my mattress and grieved. I’d had her. For the briefest of seconds, I’d had her, then I’d lost her. She was gone, and we were over. She hadn’t said the words, but I knew…the innocence had been lost, and it couldn’t be returned, no matter how hard we tried. This farce was over.
Chapter 19
Jealousy
I didn’t sleep much. I kept thinking about Kiera and wondering what she was going to say the next time I saw her. I already knew what I would say—I’m sorry. I’ll do better. It was the only response I could think to give her, but I already knew it wouldn’t be enough.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I got up and went downstairs to make some coffee. My stomach was in knots, and I felt like I was going to be sick. What would she say? Would she end this?
When Kiera finally appeared, I instantly put a hand on her arm. “Kiera, I’m sorry. I went too far. I’ll be good.”
She brushed me away, and I knew it was the beginning of the end for us. “No, Kellan. We went way past innocent flirting a long time ago. We can’t go back to that time. We’re not those people anymore. It was a stupid idea to try.”
I was aware of that, but hearing her say it made a jolt of pain rip through me. It might not be innocent, it might not have ever been innocent, but I still wanted it. Right or wrong, she was all I could think about. “But…don’t end this, please.”
She looked pained and conflicted, but her answer was firm. “I have to, Kellan. Denny knows something’s not right. I don’t think he suspects what…or you…but he knows I’ve been distracted.” Biting her lip, she looked down. I could tell she didn’t want to say any of this, but she felt like she had no choice. “Denny and I haven’t…done anything…in a long time and he’s hurt. I’m hurting him.”
Grief and relief hit me at the same time. Denny was hurting…but they hadn’t been sleeping together every night. I looked down so she wouldn’t see that their abstinence pleased me. I had no right to be happy that Denny was miserable. “You don’t have to. I’ve never asked you to not…be with him. I know you two are going to…I told you, I understand.”
I hated this conversation. I really wanted to tell her that I was glad they weren’t doing anything. I didn’t want her touching Denny. But she wasn’t mine, and I had no right to put any stipulations on her. Whatever small part of herself she was willing to give to me was fine, so long as I got something.