Thoughtful(100)

Not liking how he was examining me, I asked, “How long are you gone for?”

A sheepish look passed his face. “Just one night. But it feels like a thousand, you know?”

I smiled, but didn’t say anything. It probably felt that long to him because he didn’t trust her. And he didn’t trust her because of me. Because I was a horrible human being.

He didn’t say anything after that, and silence fell between us. I let it linger, because I didn’t know what to say to him anymore. There was a certain amount of dark humor to the fact that we had nothing to say. You’d think we’d have a lot to talk about now, since we were both in love with the same woman.

Once I was away from Denny and the never-ending guilt of what I was doing to him, I began to get excited about the idea of him being far away again. So much had changed between Kiera and me since the first time he’d gone. I wanted to strengthen our connection, without completely betraying Denny. Impossible as that sounded.

It took me a long time to fall asleep once I finally went to bed. And when I did, only one thing was on my mind. I wanted to fall asleep with Kiera in my arms. I’d never wanted anything so badly.

The next morning, while Kiera and I held hands and sipped our morning coffees, I decided to broach the topic with her. “So, Denny’s gone tonight?”

She was instantly suspicious of what I was about to ask. “Yes…he’s in Portland until tomorrow night. Why?”

I looked down, wondering if she would see my heart on my sleeve; I desperately wanted to be with her tonight. Keeping my gaze on the table, I said, “Stay with me tonight.”

“I stay here with you every night,” she replied.

Amused by the confusion in her voice, I peeked up at her. “No…sleep with me tonight.”

She seemed shocked by my suggestion. “Kellan! That is not going to—”

I had to laugh. Her mind was in the gutter, just as often as mine was. I hadn’t meant it in a sexual way though. “I meant literally…fall asleep with me on my bed.”

Embarrassed by what she’d assumed I meant, she looked away. When she finally returned her gaze to me, she said, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Kellan.”

I gave her a carefree smile. This didn’t have to be a big deal if we didn’t let it. I just wanted to sleep with my arms around her…no harm in that. “Why not? Completely innocent—I won’t even get under the covers.”

Considering it, she raised an eyebrow in question. “Completely dressed too?”

Ecstatic that she was maybe going to say yes, I laughed and stroked her fingers with my thumb. “Sure. If that is what you’d prefer.”

She laughed, then smiled. The way her lips curled up made my heart skip a beat. “It is.” Euphoria burst through me. She was saying yes. My high didn’t diminish at all when she frowned. “You’ll let me know the moment it gets too hard.”

I couldn’t believe that she’d just said something so suggestive. I turned away, trying to be mature and not laugh. The sexual tension between us was so thick that I often walked around a little hard.

“You know what I mean,” she whispered, embarrassment in her voice.

A laugh escaped me as I looked back at her. “Yes, I know what you mean…and yes, I will.” Happiness flooded me as I gazed into her tranquil hazel eyes. “You really are adorable…do you know that?”

With a smile on her lips, she looked away from me. “Okay…we’ll try it,” she told me in a soft voice.

As I beamed at her, a strange sadness washed over her face. I knew she was worried she was making a mistake with me, that she would cross her self-imposed line of restraint and cave in to the lust that swirled around us. I hated seeing the guilt on her; it was a reflection of my own.

I don’t want to hurt him either, Kiera. I care, just as much as you do, which is why nothing will happen tonight. I promise.





Since it was Friday, the D-Bags were playing at Pete’s. Before we began the set, I told Evan we were adding in the song “Until You.” He looked at me funny, then nodded. “Until You” was the sappiest song in our catalog, and Evan was usually the one to request it. In fact, I think he had requested it every time he was swooning over some girl; Matt and Griffin had nicknamed the song “Evan’s Whipped Again.” Evan had written the bulk of it—it was one of the very few D-Bags songs written by anyone other than me—so I guess it made sense that it was his go-to romance song. It was weird for me to ask for it, but I couldn’t help it. Kiera had changed my life, given me something to live for, hope for, and as discreetly as possible, I wanted to let the world know.