I watched him, mesmerized by the rhythmic motion. “Oh. Greg,” I said after a few minutes, “you could do everything. I swear, it’s the truth. You were a corporate instructor. Did you know that? And just so great at it. You were so charismatic. You worked for Advent Pharmaceuticals. That’s how we met.” He nodded, but I couldn’t tell if he remembered, or if he was just listening. “What do you remember?” I asked.
“I remember doing that. Teaching adults. I wasn’t sure what I was doing until you said that, but I remember Advent. We met in a class?” He raised his hand. “Wait. You brought a book. And you came early, but you wouldn’t speak to me. I thought you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I could hardly talk. It was a few days, right?” I nodded, and he smiled, proud of his memory. “You still are. Beautiful.” He studied my face for so long that I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
“Do you remember Sarah?”
He thought for a moment. “Yes! I do. She was with you the night we met. And she visits us sometimes. She’s fun, and a little crazy, right?”
I laughed and nodded. Yes, that summed up Sarah pretty well.
Dr. Goodman poked her head in and asked, “How are things going in here?”
Greg nodded enthusiastically. “I remembered how we met.”
“Good! That’s great. Claire, this is the kind of therapy a doctor or a therapist cannot provide. Specific experience memory is so tricky. With some patients, it takes years to come back, and with others, it’s like this.” She snapped her fingers. “Greg, we have to move on. Dr. Welk is only here for a bit, so we have to meet him when we can. Claire, can I have a quick word with you?”
We walked down the hall a bit, and she turned to face me. “He needs this. What is your plan, exactly?”
I had been thinking about it during my visit with Greg. “I’ll be back next weekend with the girls. And every weekend until he can come back to New Jersey. After that…?” I shrugged. “I haven’t figured it out yet, but we’ll take it one day at a time.”
Dr. Goodman squeezed my arm. Her hand was warm, and I was surprised; I expected ice. We walked back to the room so I could say goodbye to Greg.
“Will you come back?” he asked anxiously.
I hugged him. “I’ll always come back.”
Chapter 35
I was never so happy to be home. I hugged Drew with intensity.
“Well?” he asked.
“It’s going to be different.” I searched for words. I couldn’t say the thing I knew he needed to hear, that nothing would change. We both knew everything would change.
Drew and I sat on the couch, and I leaned into his arms, relaying every detail I could remember. I had battled guilt the entire ride home, and that war continued. How can I lie here, so comfortable with Drew, while Greg is five hundred miles away? I pushed the thoughts away. Being with Drew was as natural as breathing. The need to share my life, my past few days, overwhelmed me.
“Do you want me to go with you next weekend?” he asked.
“Would you want to?”
He shrugged. “I would if you wanted me to. But do you think it would be confusing? To Hannah and Leah?”
“I don’t know if it could possibly get more confusing. But no, they don’t think of you as my boyfriend. You are an integral part of their lives now. If you came, I would want you to stay at the hotel while we visited Greg. Could you do that?”
“I don’t think it could be any other way. Do you?”
I had no idea. There were no rules for our situation. “No, I doubt it.”
He hugged me. “I will do whatever you think is best. For you and the girls. How and when are you going to tell them?”
I had been thinking about little else. “I think maybe Friday after school. We’ll leave Saturday morning. That way there’s very little time between when I tell them and when they see him. And they won’t have to go to school with that in their minds. They’ll have a few days.”
The next four days were going to be interminably long. But I wasn’t doing it alone. Guilt notwithstanding, I was very grateful to have Drew in my life.
The week passed quicker than I anticipated. I went through the motions of each day, playacting as though things were normal. We were a typical family on a typical day. Except Daddy is five hundred miles away, recovering from a coma. Incongruity ruled my life again, and the sensation was eerily familiar. However, at least I felt more in control of the ride.
I was mostly calm and collected. I had moments where I would be making dinner, laughing with Leah, or helping Hannah with her homework, and then I would remember. Greg. His name would fill the empty pit in my stomach, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. As soon as I could tell them, I knew I’d feel better. Or would I? Telling the girls would make it real. During that first week, it was almost as though our life had not been upended. Again.