“I came after you,” I said out loud. “Not her.”
I was admitting this to myself more than anything.
“Carrie left me. I don’t want you to. And I’m sorry it took this happening to realize that.”
Holly’s eyes were closed and she was running her thumbnail along the carved W in KM+WP.
I got up and pulled her to her feet. I held onto the tops of her arms as I forced her to look at me.
“We’ve never been very good about saying what we want. So, let me try. I want you, Holly. I want to try us again.”
“What about her?”
“I don’t want her. “
“How do you know?”
“Because,” I said, “she’s not like you.”
Her bottom lip trembled.
We stood looking at each other for a long time, neither of us saying anything.
April was probably blowing up my phone, which I had left in the car. But, it didn’t matter.
I had been trying to end things with her before they had started. My mind had been subconsciously attempting to get me out of it, and I kept letting myself get sucked back in. Now, the getting out would be more difficult.
But, it would be worth it.
We went our separate ways a few minutes later. I kissed her on the cheek, but nothing more. I knew inviting her back to my place wasn’t the right move. I had hurt her, after all, by sleeping with April, and while Holly seemed okay with my arm around her, I doubted she would be comfortable with much else right that second.
We agreed to talk again the next day.
When I got back to my phone, I was surprised to see that the message I had received from April while I had been tracking down Holly was the only one she had sent.
Can you tell me what’s going on?
It was already late, and any response now would seem very tardy. But, no response at all would be an asshole move.
Yes. Are you still up? I replied.
I drove home in silence, and my phone didn’t chime with a new message. It didn’t chime as I got home, as I took a shower, or as I lay down to go to bed.
My sleep was not sound that night. I kept looking at my phone for a response from April that I knew wasn’t coming. I had no real clue what I was going to say to her, but after all that had happened over the last week, I knew she wasn’t going to take it well.
God, I should have ended things before they started.
Fucking complications.
I dressed quickly for work, forgoing a breakfast I knew my stomach wouldn’t be able to handle.
My thoughts continued to be on April and how I was going to handle it.
On my way to the school, I texted to see if she wanted me to pick up coffee before I came in.
She didn’t respond, and I was tempted to get her some anyway, but I decided against it and drove to the school.
I got out of my car and made my way toward the front doors.
A group of early drop-offs sat on the tables outside. I recognized a few of them from the baseball team.
“Mr. H, did you see that?” One of them said to me as I neared the table. I’m pretty sure my hands were shaking.
“See what?” I said, not in the mood to have casual conversation right then.
“That pitcher for the Rays who went nuts the other day!”
“Yeah, I watched it,” I said, walking right past them.
“No, Mr. H. He’s here.”
“What?” I said, spinning back toward them.
“He just walked in. Asked where the English classrooms were.”
At that moment, it felt like my life went into slow motion. I remember everything about the next few seconds:
A blue Ford Taurus was parking along the curb, letting out another student.
A cricket jumped over a crack in the sidewalk.
A student dropped a bottle of water onto the ground.
If Marco somehow had discovered that April and I had been out together the previous night, he was at the school to raise hell. Or worse.
I hurried through the doors, and went straight for the stairwell, skipping two or three steps at a time.
The thought crossed my mind more than once in that brief period of time that it was entirely possible Marco had brought a dangerous weapon into the school, intending to harm his wife or someone else. In this case, I assumed that someone else was me.
I reached the hallway at the top of the stairs, and quickly walked down it. I could hear voices in the adjoining hallway, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying.
My heart was thumping so loudly I could feel it in my head.
I turned the corner and saw them. April and Marco, standing in the hallway. For some reason, Landry was with them.
He must have been on his way to tutoring with Stephanie.
Marco’s back was turned to me, but April’s eyes looked afraid.
“Mr. H, check it out! We have a celebrity in the house.”
Marco turned and looked at me, and his eyes lit up. I wasn’t sure if it was recognition, or something else.