All the kids were nodding in agreement now, even the kids who clearly had probably consumed fast food once a day for their entire lives. But, Tony had clearly gotten the support his hands were flailing for.
“That’s actually a really great example, Tony. Nicely done.”
He beamed and puffed out his chest like a bird.
The boys kept finding excuses to turn around and look at April. One of them dropped his pencil twice. Another began coughing more frequently so he could turn his head to the side and see her. It was comical to watch.
Landry was turning around every few seconds if any noise came from behind him.
“Landry,” I said. “We haven’t heard from you yet. What do you think about the quote?”
His eyes grew large as he turned back to me. I wasn’t sure if he had really liked what he was seeing, or if he was having a deer-in-the-headlights moment being forced to answer a question he hadn’t thought about.
Landry looked down at his paper and read the quote out loud for everyone to hear. I knew he was just trying to jog his memory and remind himself of what we were discussing.
“What does that mean to you?” I said.
“I mean, I think it’s just saying that you gotta always do what’s right for you, you know? You can’t let what other people think bother you. Unless, they’ve been in your shoes and know what’s going on, they have no right to judge you or tell you how to live your life. I don’t know.”
“That’s a pretty good answer, too,” I said. “See, I told you guys there wouldn’t be any bad answers.”
The rest of the class went by, with more hands darting up across the room. The comments and discussion were better, but now everyone seemed to be mentioning some variation of the slavery/fast food idea. April stayed silent the rest of the class, her hands folded neatly in her lap. The boys seemed to be disappointed she wasn’t speaking, but they all looked back at her after every comment to gauge her response.
“That was fun,” she said, climbing out of the couch. It was one of those quicksand couches that sucked you in as soon as you sat down and made escape nearly impossible. I reached out my hand to pull her up and she took it. Such soft hands, long elegant fingers. I didn’t want to let go.
“Yeah, it’s a good group of kids. You never know which way discussions are going to go, but thank God for Emily today.”
“She seems like a smart kid,” she said, straightening out her dress. “Well, I’ve got to get back over to my class. Thanks again for letting me sit in and for helping me out of your cavernous death couch.”
“Don’t get stuck in there after hours,” I said. “We’ve lost a few janitors that way.”
She smiled. “Noted.”
“Hey,” I said as she headed for the door, “just so you know for after next period, the lunchroom is downstairs and to your left. Just follow the smell of French fries and teenagers.”
“I’m not sure which of those smells worse.”
I laughed. “True. The teachers sit at the big table in the front. You can just go around the line of kids and walk in.”
“Thanks,” she said as she opened the door to leave. “I will probably have to pass on lunch today. Promised my husband I’d join him for lunch before he leaves town tonight.”
“Oh, okay. Well, have fun!” Damn husband.
The rest of the school day went by without event, and I didn’t see April, even between classes. No banging on the wall, no cries for help.
I wasn’t used to a woman filling my thoughts like this. It had been a long time—years, in fact. Not since I was married, at the very least. I had done my best to avoid all things “romance” since then. Angry people don’t look for love. Angry people act out. And I had done my fair share of that. But feelings were something that I was used to not having anymore, or shutting down quickly. But, April was different. I don’t know why, but she was.
Shut up, Luke, I told myself. She’s married.
There was no way I was going to let myself get hurt again. Love brings pain, plain and simple. And I wasn’t looking to fall for anyone, especially a married woman I didn’t have a shot in hell with.
Fuck your feelings, I told myself again. It’s a stupid high school crush.
It usually only took a couple talks like that to settle me down and make me realize I was being a fool. But, as the last class of the day filed out, and she walked into my room once again, I realized it was going to take a hell of a lot more talks to convince myself this woman wasn’t something special. I found myself begging for Robin to come back and maybe I wouldn’t have to see April again.