Thou Shalt Not(47)

“That’s quite the story,” I said, once I could finally say something. “Are you close with your parents?”

A mildly disgusted look blanketed her face.

“No. Definitely not my father. I see my mother every so often, but I can’t say we have ever been all that close.”

“Any siblings?”

“No. I mean, I have my half-siblings from my father’s first marriage, technically. But I have never met them and couldn’t even tell you their names. I can’t remember him ever mentioning them. My mother was the one who told me about them.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, like I said, he’s an asshole. He defended Marco’s scumbag older brother when I was in high school. Got him off scot-free. So, the family took my father in and treated him like the savior. That’s how he met Marco. I was just graduating and my father threw me a big graduation party. He invited Marco and a few others from the family, and I met him that night. He was a charmer, and I knew he was a big-time athlete. So, I was pretty flattered that he would spend the whole night talking to me, flirting with me. He asked my dad if he could take me out to dinner and my father said yes without asking me what I thought. I probably would have said yes anyway, but he didn’t care. He loved the idea of me being with someone so successful, as if he had something to do with it.”

“So, you guys started dating and hit it off?”

“I wouldn’t say we hit it off so much as I liked that everywhere we went people knew who he was. He could give me things none of my other boyfriends had been able to. He took me places I had always wanted to go. He treated me well, even though I knew his reputation. The fact that he was friends with my dad should have been enough to tell me to run in the opposite direction. But I was young, and eventually I fell for him and ignored what my friends and other people were telling me.”

“What would they say?”

“Well, my mother was never a fan or proponent of it. She said it reminded her of what she went through—young girl marrying a much older man. My father is fifteen years older than her, and she said that even though it seems like a good idea now, you’ll regret it eventually. She also reminded me that I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have to be stuck with him. That I could make my own choice. She always pushed me to date other people, people my own age. And when I would actually start convincing myself that maybe it was a good idea, Marco would do something like spontaneously fly me to New York City while he was playing there. He’d put me up in a nice hotel, give me money to spend in the fancy department stores, take me to great restaurants, and I would think to myself maybe I didn’t need to look elsewhere when someone treated me that well. Sure, he was an asshole, but he was never one with me. Not until we were married anyway.”

She went back to her food and I resumed eating mine. My mind was taking it all in. Basically, she had married an older asshole just like her mom had. And when you are young you write things off, you ignore things. I knew I had when I got married. What you like when you are fresh out of high school is not necessarily what you like when you find yourself nearing thirty. I guess you could say I got lucky. I technically could now redo my decision, as horrible as that probably is to say. Just like your taste buds change as you get older and you find yourself liking the foods you never thought you’d enjoy, your taste in people changes almost as dramatically. I could look back on “friends” I had chosen in high school and college and wonder what the hell was going through my mind. You hit an age where things change, where you grow up and look around and realize that you can’t spend the rest of your life with people like that. You can’t have them around you anymore. Carrie and her illness had been my focus, and so most of my friends had fallen by the wayside in place of taking care of her. Then, I lost her and was left with practically nothing, no one. Most people don’t get to fresh start everything like I was getting to. At first I didn’t see it that way, obviously, but the further away from her death I got, the more I saw it for what it was—a tragic blessing. You would never hear me say this out loud though.

“Have you ever been married?” she asked, laying her napkin down on the table to signify being done. My heart dropped. I didn’t want to go there with her. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

Thankfully, Terry came to ask if we were doing all right, and if we wanted to look at the dessert menu. I could always eat dessert. I’d prefer that over the meal half the time, but people usually frowned on that sort of gluttonous behavior. April said she was too full, so we declined and Terry went to go get our check ready.