Thou Shalt Not(15)

Robin

Needless to say, an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders, and from that moment on, she and I had been close. She was like the older, wiser sister I always wanted, and we got along great. Carrie loved her the moment the two met, and when I finally got the chance to meet Walt, he was as perfect for her as I had imagined he would be.

So, when Carrie was sick, Robin was my rock. And when we told her and Walt the six-month timetable, they were devastated.

“God can do anything He pleases, and no cancer is too big for Him to heal,” she had immediately said, and definitely believed it, and they both had prayed for us right there.

Robin made due on her promise to schedule out all my classes and to work closely with my substitute to make sure everything went smoothly on the days I wasn’t able to be there.

One particular day in mid-May, Carrie had been feeling much better, and because her mother had come down to visit, she insisted I go in to work since it had been a few weeks. I complied and actually felt a rush in the classroom that day. The kids were excited to have me back. My coworkers were all friendly and full of well-wishes and encouragement.

At the end of the day, as the last students filed out, Robin came in and sat on the quicksand couch. She smiled and looked exhausted.

“How did it feel being back?” she asked.

“It was kind of a relief, you know?” I said, leaning back in my desk chair. “It was nice to be able to take my mind off things for a little bit. Never know how long it’ll last.”

I felt like I had to say that, addressing the obvious, cancerous elephant in the room. But it was true. Every day I lived in fear, wondering if this would be the day she died. Her body had been severely weakened, and she had become susceptible to other things too. She had come down with pneumonia and I thought it was nearing the end, but she fought. God, Carrie was a fighter. And she pushed through it.

Needless to say, I hadn’t thought I would be at work much, if any, the rest of the year, and to have a day where I could come back and feel relief was special. I needed it.

“It was good to have you back. The kids really seemed surprised.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, Luke. I want you to go now. Be with her. The kids have seen you—you’ve gotten a chance to come back. Stay with her now. Especially if she is having good days. Enjoy them with her. I know she wants you back, doing what you love to do. She loves you. But, don’t come back the rest of the year.”

I was taken aback by what she was saying, and the tears that had taken up permanent residence in my eyes over the last few months, always threatening to spill, finally started coming out. I wasn’t even sure what exactly sparked them in what she was saying, but they started to flow anyway.

“I would threaten you if I had to,” she smiled, “but I don’t think I will.”

I nodded my head in agreement.

“Go somewhere with her, if she can handle it. Make these next few weeks, months, as special and memorable as you can. And when you leave here today, I don’t want you to worry about anything. I don’t want you to think about this place for a second. Not even over the summer. I will take care of everything, and it will all be here ready for you when YOU decide to come back next year.”

I couldn’t speak and continued to cry. I knew what that implied, we both did. If I obeyed Robin’s orders, the next time I was back teaching in my classroom would be after Carrie died. I would be a twenty-three-year-old widower.

She managed to get out of the death couch and came over to where I was. She put her arms around me from the side and lowered her head onto mine. She held me and let me cry.

Normally, if someone had walked in and seen two oppositely-sexed teachers in such close proximity, there would have been trouble. But with Robin it was different, and I’m sure if anyone had walked by they would have completely understood.

“I love you, Luke. I love Carrie too. Both of you, so much,” she said, over my sobs. “Walt and I pray for you guys every night, and we won’t stop. God’s got you, no matter what. Don’t forget that.”

Eventually the tears stopped and she let me out of her embrace. As she left my room, she turned back around at the door and said, “If I see you back here anytime soon, I’m going to hurt you.”

She smiled as she said this, and then added, “If you need anything, please ask. Walt and I will always be there for you, Luke. Always.”





The drive to the hospital was thankfully short. Sometimes, Florida nights can be pleasant, a much-welcomed relief from the humidity hell we suffer through on a daily basis. But, as any Floridian knows, there are also a handful of muggy nights that actually make you wish for the hot mid-day sun. This was one of those nights.