Chapter Three
I couldn’t breathe. Or think. Or even pretend to use that inflated brain in my head. All thoughts had stopped completely for me and I was reeling with all of his revelations.
Nelson had somehow managed to turn my oppressive guilt into strength of character. He turned self-doubt into pride. And then he changed the way I looked at us. While I thought about the simple convenience of the two of us making out- because there were no other options- he was looking at us like some fateful, cataclysmic event that was ordained by the cosmos.
And that turned my feelings of blah tolerance into something unnamed and incredible.
“You’ve got all the right words,” I looked up at him and I could feel how my expression had softened. He had done something to me just now- reached into my soul and pulled out the good girl he saw, the good girl I was convinced didn’t exist until he came into my life.
“And you’ve got all the right thoughts.” He leaned down and kissed my temple. “And I want to know them. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
After a few moments of hesitation where I struggled to come up with any kind of response whatsoever, I finally admitted, “I don’t know what to think! I thought you were just excited about the possibility of getting laid. But unless this is some kind of sick game you and your brothers play on all the vagrant girls that happen to fall into your camp, I’m currently at a loss for words.” I paused as if to prove my point, but then launched into another tirade. “Nelson, we fight Zombies on a regular basis, a couple weeks ago you were almost forcefully drafted into one man’s army of weird, while Reagan and I were sold off to the sexual R&R department. You’re asking me to look at the two of us like we’re…. like we’re…. like we’re real, like we could possibly be happy in this upside down world we live in. And I can’t even process that.”
“Yes you can,” he argued quickly. “You probably already have processed it. I watch you think, Haley. I know it’s constantly for you. And I know that if you’re deflecting, then you just don’t like the outcome. So now I have to figure out if it’s because you don’t like the idea of you and me together at all and that’s what’s freaking you out. Or if you’re freaked out for the exact opposite reason- you do like us together.”
I had known the Parker brothers for a total of thirty-four days. Thirty-four. And yet, Nelson knew me better than any one boy ever had. There were all kinds of factors I could take into account over this, like heightened emotions when our lives were being risked daily, or the innate need every living, breathing human being would feel to repopulate the planet until we were the ruling species once again. Or even the fact that we were young, in our prime, without any hint of parental supervision or guidance and left to our own reckless choices, we would always choose to fall head over ass in love and waste away our youth with angst and sex.
But….
But the truth was Nelson seemed right. Was I his dream girl come to life? That was hard to believe- for real, that seemed crazy. But wasn’t he my ideal man? Protective, loyal, caring, focused, smart, funny, good-looking to me, the right combination of possessive and confident. He was everything I’d ever imagined a good man to be. So were we the same? Was I less commitment-phobe and more waiting on the right guy to come along? Was I also just looking for a good guy?
Ugh. Sometimes I really needed my brain to shut off.
“Where’d you go?” Nelson asked patiently in maybe the sweetest voice I’d ever heard.
“A million different places,” I admitted.
“Will you come back to this one place?” His finger tilted my chin up toward his face and his other hand trailed a gentle line down my spine.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“I’ll go slow,” he promised and my mind went silent- the entire jumble of thoughts disappeared immediately so I could listen with perfect attentiveness to all his soul-aching promises and sexy as hell voice. “I’ll let you catch up at your own pace.”
“But?” My voice was barely a whisper, more like an echo of a thought I couldn’t squash.
“But I want this, Haley. I want you. I want you to trust me with this. With us.”
I nodded, giving him my permission and my heart in one silent gesture.
His smile was blinding in its brilliance, his eyes so dark and full of emotion they seemed black. He leaned down achingly slow, with so much care and tenderness my body vibrated with anticipation. His soft lips brushed against mine once, then twice and then he pressed his mouth to mine.
My eyes closed and my stomach jumped at the impression of his lips against my lips. He moved with a sensitivity I was completely unfamiliar with. Adoration this intense had been lacking from my life for the last two years- or maybe for my entire life. Because I had never been kissed like this before- never with so much reverence, so much perfect devotion.