“Of me,” he says simply. “You’re scared of me.”
“I’m scared of how you’ll be.”
“You mean more crazy,” he confirms, keeping his eyes on our entwined fingers.
“It wasn’t even definite and you were treating me like a priceless object.”
He exhales softly and takes both of our hands to his chest, resting them over his heart, but he still doesn’t look at me. “You also think that I might love our child more than you.”
The words make me go rigid. They’re the words I have refused to acknowledge every time they’ve whirled around in my head. I am worried that he’ll love our child more than me. Selfishly, yes; it frightens me to death.
“Would you?” I ask quietly. I’m not sure how he’ll answer. All I’ve got to go on is how desperate he is for a baby.
His eyes lift slowly, revealing a sadness I’ve never seen before. “Do you feel that?” He flattens my palms on his chest and holds them there firmly. “It was made to love you, Ava. For too long it was useless, redundant, not required. Now it’s gone into overdrive. It swells with happiness when I look at you. It splinters with pain when we fight. And it beats wildly when I make love to you. Maybe I go overboard with my love, but that’s never going to change. I’ll love you this fiercely until the day I die, baby. Children or not.”
I’m crippled more than ever before. It really isn’t possible for me to love this man more. “I never want to be without your fierce love.”
He reaches up and slides his hand around the base of my neck, pulling me down so our foreheads meet. “You won’t be. I’ll never stop loving you hard. It’ll only get harder because every day that passes we create more memories. Memories I’ll treasure, not memories I want to forget. My mind is being filled with beautiful images of us, and they are replacing a history that lingers. They’re chasing away my past, Ava. I need them. I need you.”
“You have me,” I breathe, shifting my hands up to his shoulders.
“Don’t ever leave me again.” He kisses me gently. “It hurt so badly.”
I sit up on his lap and pull him up with me, wrapping my arms tightly around him and pushing my mouth to his ear. “I’m crazy in love with you,” I whisper. “Fiercely, too. That’s never going to stop.” I kiss his ear. “End of.”
His head turns into me, catching my lips. “My heart’s swelling.”
I smile a little as he reinforces his happiness with his kiss, drifting back down in the tub until I’m sprawled across his chest. We just kiss, for a long, long time. It’s gentle and sweet, but it’s what we both need right now. Pure, unapologetic, powerful love. It’s potent. It cripples us both.
He pulls back and encases my face with his hands. “Let me bathe you.”
“But I’m comfy.” I just want to lie on his chest and stay until the water cools and I’m forced to vacate the giant tub.
“We can be comfy in bed and you can fall asleep in my arms where you’re supposed to be.”
I frown. “It’s not even midafte—” I halt. “I’ve not gone back to work!” I start to scramble off him to call Patrick, but I’m swiftly restrained and pulled back down to his chest.
“I took care of it. Unravel your knickers, lady.”
He turns me around in his lap and retrieves the sponge from the water.
“What did you tell him?”
“That you’re ill.”
“He’ll be sacking me soon.” I sigh and lean forward, dropping my heavy head between my propped-up knees and letting Jesse soak me all over with lazy rubs and squeezes of the sponge. The silence is comfortable, my mind serene. I close my eyes and absorb the love that’s flowing into me from our contact through the sponge. That’s how powerful it is. It can battle through any obstacle that’s placed between us, be it an inanimate object, such as a simple sponge, or a living, breathing person, such as a Coral or a Sarah…or a Mikael. Nothing can tear us apart…only us.
When he’s looked after me for a while, he wraps me in a towel and sits me on the vanity unit. “Stay there,” he orders gently before dropping a chaste kiss on my lips and leaving me with a furrowed brow.
“Where are you going?” I call after him.
“Just wait.”
I hear him rummaging and the crumpling of paper, and he’s soon standing in front of me again, holding up a paper bag with slightly raised brows. “What’s that?” I ask, pulling my towel in a little more.
He takes a deep breath and opens it up, thrusting it toward me so I can take a peek. I throw him inquisitive eyes and lean forward to look in the bag, quickly bolting upright on a shocked gasp when I register the contents. “You don’t believe me?”