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This Man Confessed(188)

By:Jodi Ellen Malpas


She nods against me and resumes her nuzzle in my neck. Then I feel her whole body tense; her mouth opens against my throat and her grip of my hair crosses the line into violence. She screams, her teeth sinking into my flesh, one hand pulling my hair, the other digging into my bicep. I blank it out, all of the pain she’s inflicting on me, even though I’m certain it’s nothing compared to what she’s experiencing right now…which means she must feel like she’s being fucking tortured. I clench my teeth. Fucking hell! I’m yanked about, released from her punishing bite so she can scream some more before her teeth go straight back in and her nails scratch at me, my hair probably coming out in fistfuls.

“That’s it, Ava!” the midwife shouts before calling for her colleague’s assistance. “Oh my, we have a girl!”

Those words hit me like a sledgehammer. I can’t feel anything now, not a thing, but I can hear. A rush of activity is happening behind me, Ava is still intermittently screaming, my heart is pounding in my ears…and there’s something else—something that has just injected further life into me. A baby crying. I have a little girl. I’m a daddy again.

“Another push, Ava. Come on, girl!” The midwife sounds excited.

“No more,” Ava cries in my ear. “Please.”

Through my numb state, I inject some strength into my muscles and use everything I have to squeeze some comfort into her, nestling into her hair and latching onto her neck with my teeth. I lightly bite her before kissing her, lightly biting and kissing, again and again and again. I can’t talk—can’t speak any words of encouragement, so I focus all of my attention on touching her, feeling her, speaking to her through our contact. It’s our silent language, in which we are both fluent. She returns my squeeze, acknowledging me, and then lets out an ear-piercing yell. It’s an angry yell. And it goes on and on until she eventually sags beneath me, every harsh grip she has of me loosening to allow me to relax into her.

There’s another cry.

“A boy!”

My heart has just burst, an incredible sense of peace and serenity engulfing me.

We both remain huddled on the bed, Ava heaving, me unable to hold my tears any longer. I sob relentlessly into her neck. My exhausted heart is showing no sign of letting up and I know it probably won’t for the rest of my life. I haven’t even placed my eyes on them yet. I haven’t smelled them, felt them or told them how much I love them. But my heart is beating faster than ever before, and I never would have thought that possible. Now I have three angels.

“Mr. Ward?”

I hear the distant voice, and I know I should be jumping up, but I can’t move and when a few moments pass and I’m still frozen in place, I feel Ava shift under me. “Can we have a few moments?” she asks.

“Of course,” the midwife says softly.

“Are they okay?”

“They’re perfect, Ava. Have your moment, but don’t be too long. You’re a mummy now.”

“Thank you.” Ava’s voice is soft and calm as she resumes her hold of me and sighs into my neck, softly stroking my hair and dropping small kisses on my skin every now and then. No words need to be spoken—not for a very long while. It’s her comforting me now. And I need it. I need to keep hold of her. It’s one of the only ways I can be sure that all of this is real. She eventually pulls back, searching out my clouded eyes, and as soon as hers land on mine, reality is confirmed. My reality. I’m not dreaming. “Go and meet your babies,” she says, smoothing her small palm down my rough cheek. “It was twenty-six years before I found you. Don’t make them wait for you a moment longer than they have to.” She pecks my lips and then looks over my shoulder and I muster up the courage to slowly turn and finally introduce myself to my babies.





“Let Daddy tell you a story,” I whisper. “A story about a defiant little temptress and a godlike creature. That’s me, by the way. The god. The temptress is your beautiful mother.” I look down at my babies lying on my bare chest, one curled on each pec, both sleeping peacefully. I push my lips to the tops of their heads in turn, closing my eyes and inhaling them into me, like it might make me physically closer. Maddie stirs, and I still as she nuzzles her face into me, her eyes clenched tight, her little fists balled by her tiny mouth. And then Jacob whimpers in response, performing the same little string of movements before they both settle together. Damn it, I’m going to fucking cry again.

“You okay?”

I look up and find Ava standing in the doorway of the nursery, only one of my shirts covering her petite frame. “Shhhh.” I cock my head gently, urging her to come join me. She pads softly across the carpet and eases down next to me, working around the babies to push her lips into my cheek. “I’m telling them a bedtime story.”