Following him into the villa, I find him standing in the middle of the room. I’m quiet as I approach behind him, but he doesn’t flinch when I slide my hand into his. He knew I was close, as he always does. I lead him into the bedroom and start to unbutton his shirt. There is no sexual tension ricocheting between us, or heavy desperate breaths. I’m just looking after him.
His head is dropped, he’s completely despondent, but he lets me undress him until he’s standing before me naked and quiet. I go to direct him to the bed, but he stands firm and turns me back to face him, then sets about unzipping my dress and pulling it over my head, encouraging me to lift my arms. I let him do his thing, anything to drag him from his melancholy state. I stand quietly while he sees through his task, unhooking my bra before kneeling and taking my knickers down my legs. I’m lifted to his body, my legs finding their place around his hips, and he positions himself on the bed, back against the headboard so I’m sitting on his lap, pressed against his chest. He’s not prepared to have any space between us, which is fine by me. His arms are completely encasing me, his nose is in my hair, and his heartbeat is slow and steady under my ear. This is all I can do, and if need be, I’ll do it until the day I die.
Chapter Twenty-six
I feel different this morning. I’m on my back, but I’m not sprawled across the bed with a light breeze tickling my naked skin, and I’m unable to stretch. It takes a few seconds to register why. I’m cocooned beneath Jesse, who is half laying on me, half off, so he isn’t putting pressure on my tummy. His face is nuzzled in the space between my jaw and my shoulder, his palm is flat on my abdomen, and his hot, minty breath is heating my neck. My rousing brain speedily kicks into gear, reminding me of the events of last night, the pain, the anguish, and the shock. Paradise was turned upside down.
My fingers slip into his hair as I gaze up at the ceiling and massage gently. This man has a troubled history, but I’m fixing all of that hurt and suffering. I’m his little piece of heaven, and I’ll never allow him to fall back into his hellish, hollow past.
As I lay there giving myself a little mental pep talk, I feel the slight flicker of his long lashes against my neck, but I remain quiet, allowing him to have his thinking space, my fingers keeping up the gentle twisting of his hair.
“I would never have brought you here if I had known.” His raspy voice breaks the silence. “I never wanted my life with you to be stained by my past.”
“It hasn’t affected us,” I assure him. “So please don’t let it.”
“They have no place in my life, Ava. Not before, and even less now.” His hand starts a slow movement across my stomach.
His babies will not replace Jake. They will not ease Jesse’s parents’ guilt. And I know for sure they’ll never be reason for reconciliation. Some things are unforgivable, and your parents doing anything other than loving and supporting you are just a few of them. My dad has always said that he could never tell me what to do, only advise me. He has said he would never force my hand in anything, knowing it would make me unhappy. He said he would always be there, despite my choices and he would make things better if it was the wrong choice. And he did. Many times. That’s what parents do.
“You don’t need to explain anything to me. You and me.” I repeat his words to enforce my own.
He rolls onto his back and pulls at me, encouraging me to crawl onto his chest. I find my way and start my slow, light trailing of his scar. “This place was Carmichael’s,” he says quietly. “It was part of his estate, as was the boat.”
“I know.” I smile to myself.
“How did you know?”
“Why else would you have a villa so close to where your parents live?”
I can’t see him, but I know he’s smiling. “My beautiful girl is frightening me.”
“Why?” I ask, frowning into his chest.
“Because she’s usually so demanding for information.”
I have to agree, but I’ve found out more since I convinced myself to keep my trap shut than I ever did when I was stamping and screaming. “There can’t be anything else you could tell me that would convince me to run away from you again.”
“I’m glad you’ve said that.”
If there was anything he could say that would make me stiffen and wish I could retract my words, then that would be it. I know I’m not going to like what I’m about hear. It’s like I’m unintentionally pulling confessions from this man.
“Ava?” he says quietly.
“What?”