This Man(187)

I quickly consider my options. It doesn’t take long because there are none, except to stand here and await the confrontation. There is only one way in and one way out of this flat. And with Jesse on his way in, any plans to escape the inevitable altercation are totally floored.

Kate walks into the lounge, looking rather sheepish. I’m furious with her, and she knows it. I pin her with my most filthy stare as she smiles at me nervously.

‘Just hear him out, Ava. The man’s a mess.’ She shakes her head sorrowfully, then looks at Sam, her expression changing instantly. ‘You, get in the kitchen!’

Sam scowls. ‘I can’t fucking move, you evil cow!’ He rubs himself again, rolling his head back on the chair. Kate huffs and pulls him out of the chair. He groans, closing his eyes and gingerly limping from the room.

I can’t believe her. The treacherous cow! She backs out of the room, giving me eyes full of sympathy. She wouldn’t have to act so fucking sorry if she hadn’t of let him in – the stupid, stupid woman. I turn to face the window before he walks in. I can’t look at him. I’ll dissolve into tears if I do, and I don’t want him to have any excuse to comfort me or wrap his big warm arms around me. I brace myself for his voice to wash over me, every frazzled nerve ending buzzing and every muscle tense. I hear nothing. But as every hair on the back of my neck tingles, standing upright, I know he’s near. My body’s response to his potent presence has me closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and praying for strength.

‘Please, look at me, Ava.’ His voice is quivering, full of emotion. I swallow the tennis ball sized lump in my throat, fighting back a barrage of tears that are pooling in my eyes. ‘Ava, please.’ I feel his hand brush down the back of my arm. I flinch at the contact.

‘Please, don’t touch me.’ I find the courage I need to turn round and face him.

His head is dropped, his shoulders sagged. He looks pitiful, but I mustn’t be swayed by his sorrowful state. I’ve been influenced too many times by manipulation, and this...this is just another form of manipulation…Jesse style. I’ve been so blinded with lust, I haven’t been seeing straight. His glazed eyes pull themselves from the floor to meet mine.

‘Why did you even take me there?’ I ask.

‘Because I want you with me all of the time, I can’t be away from you.’

‘Well, you’d better get use to it because I don’t want to see you again.’ My voice is calm and controlled, but the pain that slices through my heart in response to my own words is enough to floor me on the spot.

His eyes swim, searching mine. ‘You don’t mean that. I know you don’t mean that.’

‘I mean it.’

His chest is expanding on each deep inhale, his hair in disarray and his frown line a crater across his forehead. The distress splashed across his face is like an ice spear through my heart. ‘I never meant to hurt you.’ he murmurs.

‘Well, you have. You’ve trampled into my life and trampled all over my heart. I tried to walk away. I knew there was more than meets the eye. Why didn’t you let me walk away?’ My voice starts to trail off as the gravel in my throat starts to win the battle and tears start to pinch at my eyes. Damn me, I should have listened to my instincts.

He starts chewing his bottom lip. ‘You never really wanted to walk away.’ His voice is barely audible.

‘Yes, I did!’ I blurt on a sniffle. ‘I fought you off. I knew I was heading for trouble, but you were relentless. What happened? Did you run out of married women to fuck?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, I found you.’ He steps forward, and I remove myself from his reach.

‘Get out.’ I say calmly, my body shaking, my breathing hitching – all evidence that I’m far from calm. I barge past him, knocking his shoulder.

‘I can’t. I need you, Ava.’ His pleading voice is going to haunt me for the rest of my days.

I swing around violently. ‘You don’t need me!’ I fight to keep my voice solid. ‘You want me. Oh God, you are a dominant, aren’t you?’ Flashes of all our sexual encounters pass through my mind at a hundred miles an hour. He’s truly fierce in the bedroom and pretty fierce outside it too.

‘No!’

‘Why the control issue then? And the dominance and commands?’

‘The sex is just sex. I can’t get close enough to you. The control is because I’m frightened to death that something will happen to you…that you’ll be taken away from me. I’ve waited too long for you, Ava. I’ll do anything to keep you safe. I’ve lived a life with little control or care. Believe me, I need you…please...please don’t leave me,’ He walks towards me, but I step back, fighting the instinct to let him swathe me. He stops. ‘I’ll never recover.’