This Is Falling(45)

“Here…I have a card.” My mom reaches into her purse and pulls out a bent card with her website listed on it, and Rowe studies it closely.

“Thanks, I will,” she says, her smile somewhere between wonder and relief. She leans down to tuck the card in her purse.

Rowe relaxes even more when the waitress shows up, cutting her interview with my parents short. Minutes later, we’re all picking at the loaf of bread dropped off at our table, too interested in the garlic butter and toasted edges to pay any more attention to conversation.

I let Rowe’s hand go, but only for a few minutes while we place our orders and take our drinks. And as soon as the waitress leaves our table, I reach for her again, and her hand is actually waiting for mine.

“Oh, we ran into the Maxwells,” my mom starts, sucking all air from my lungs. I don’t know why she thinks this is a good direction for dinner talk, but I’m rapidly trying to get Ty’s attention, hoping he can help me make a conversational U-turn somehow. But no, he only makes it worse.

“Yeah? Was that slut Sadie with them?” Ty has a way with words, and those just made sure Cass and Rowe were completely dialed in on whatever my mom says next.

“Ty, your mouth,” Mom says.

“Oh, right. Sorry. I guess the appropriate term is hooker. Is that the nice way to categorize your brother’s cheating ex-girlfriend?” I kick Ty’s chair under the table, and he finally looks up. “What? That’s what she is!”

I keep trying to motion my eyes to Rowe sitting next to me, and finally he gets it and just mouths sorry, returning his attention to the salad now in front of him.

“Anyway,” my mom continues. “We didn’t see Sadie, just her parents. But they said she took the scholarship to Oklahoma State.”

Great. My cheating ex-girlfriend, the first and only girl I said I loved, is playing basketball for a college less than ninety miles from me. And I find this out while desperately clinging to the fingers of the girl sitting next to me. The girl I want. The only thing I’ve thought about since I met her almost a month ago. The girl who says I’ll probably never meet her parents because we’ll never be anything more than whatever the hell it is we are right now. And all I can do is be okay with it all, because her problems are a hell of a lot heavier than mine.

“Ha, I bet you run into her,” Ty says, and this time I throw a piece of lettuce at him, like I’m four. When my mother isn’t looking, he just gives me his middle finger, and Rowe lets go of my other hand.





Rowe





Everything changed when Nate’s parents brought up Sadie. His posture was different, his breathing was different, the way his hand felt in mine—different. Nate’s mom told a few stories about him and Sadie, talking about how they won prom king and queen in high school, and how Nate had this secret crush on Sadie his junior year and used to go to all of her basketball games and leave before the end of the fourth quarter, afraid to talk to her.

I had a hard time imagining Nate being anything other than confident, which made me start to wonder about how different he is with me. Sadie had his heart, as far as I can tell. At least, she did until she betrayed him—Ty wasn’t shy about sharing that part, about how Nate walked in on her with his best friend at their graduation party.

The walk home with Nate, Cass, and Ty felt strange now that I had all of this new information, too. And I couldn’t help but think that maybe hearing about Sadie had brought up old feelings.

“Wanna hang?” Nate says, bringing me back to the present. Ty and Cass are ahead of us, already heading down the hall to my room. When the door closes behind them, I know I have nowhere to go, at least not for a while.

“Thanks,” I say, feeling much more like a burden than I would have a couple of hours ago.

Nate flips the TV on to “Sports Center,” and part of me thinks he just wants to fill the quiet in the room. I sit on the edge of Ty’s bed, my purse in my lap, and watch a montage of amazing baseball plays.

“That guy’s awesome. The shortstop for Colorado?” Nate says, sliding back on his bed and propping his head up on a pillow, the awkwardness still very much alive between the two of us.

“I bet I’ll see you up there someday,” I say, instantly feeling gushy and stupid, like a fan girl.

“You coming to my tournament next weekend?” He still hasn’t looked at me. He hasn’t put his eyes to mine since the Sadie conversation.

“Oh, uh…I can’t. I’m going home for the weekend.” For whatever reason, that seems to get Nate’s attention, and his eyes move immediately to mine. I hold his stare as long as I can without breaking, but eventually it becomes too intense, and I look back down to the floor.