This All Happened(90)

            The grass melting through snow. Grass still green. Sedum still erect and burgundy.

            7 Maisie says there are five things she needs in a man: sense of humour, emotionally stable, treats me like a queen, a good listener, intelligent.

            I tell Maisie I think she is beautiful and can’t understand why there are no men. She says she knows of men, but theyre all taken. St John’s has a dearth of good men. Daphne found one.

            Me: What about Earl Quigley?

            Maisie: He’s set in his ways. As you get older your standards get higher.

            I said there were things I needed from Lydia that I never got, so I ended it.

            Maisie: Dont settle for less than you want. Better to die alone searching than settling.

            Max is not so sure.

            Maisie: Dont ever compromise for the sake of a man. That’s my motto.

            8 Max has come into money. His father’s will has been settled and there’s a massive windfall. At first I’m a little stiff. Then Max says, I’m egocentric because I was the only son Mom gave me love I thought Dad should receive. And Dad, it would have been embarrassing for both of us if we’d verbally expressed our love. But I know he loved me.

            We are in the Ship guzzling our pints, raising one for old Noel Wareham. And what to do with the money.

            He says he’d like to give Maisie some and Lydia. And put away a pile for Eli and Daphne.

            It has to be anonymous, I say.

            Otherwise it’ll change how they are to me?

            Just dump a bundle in their mailboxes.

            Would you be jealous if I gave Lydia some?

            I think it would be a beautiful gesture. Let her make a movie on it. Offer a proviso.

            Yeah, I’ll be executive producer. The interest, he says, on a half million is twenty thousand a year.

            Max is drinking pints of Smithwicks. I’m on black and tan. He feels the money is a weight. And having to settle his father’s affairs. The house in Arnold’s Cove. He had antiques. There was a key to a safety deposit box. There was nothing Max wanted except the boat.

            Max: I didnt even want to go to the funeral.

            9 Maisie stops in her car and I get in. Just to drive around. I open her glovebox and it’s full of fall leaves.

            Maisie: I filled that a few weeks ago. I want to have it there this winter. So whenever I get sick of the sleet, I’ll just open up the glovebox and stare.

            She says Oliver left a message on her machine last night. He was disappointed she wasnt in.

            Maisie: It wasnt obvious that he was being polite.

            I have an ache of sadness in my ribs, where they cleave. As if an axe has split me partially in two.

            10 Walking up Carter’s Hill: two girls and a boy singing, London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady-o . . .

            And then, Take the keys and lock her up . . .

            And I remember I’ve never had a key to Lydia’s place. Even when it’s the boy’s turn to get caught in the collapsing steeple of the girls’ arms, they sing: Lock her up.

            A man opens a door for a woman and calls her darling and she calls him dearie. She says the word weathervane and the door closes. Tenderness.

            11 I meet Wilf Jardine down on Water Street. He is on his way to the welfare office. The fridge is looking empty. No shame in him at all, it’s a joke to Wilf. I know he uses jet fuel in his kerosene heater. His buddy at the airport gets him the fuel. He makes ninety-proof alcohol from a still, the charcoal takes away the impurities. He doesn’t buy booze or heat. All he needs is food.