3 I’m at Maisie’s house. From the porch I can see Maisie leaning into the sink to pour herself a glass of water. In the porch Oliver Squires says, I have two sisters. One’s dead. There’s one I’d love to drown, and she’s not the one who’s dead. Yes sir, I know exactly where I’m going to drown her.
And then Oliver leaves.
He leaves because he can’t stand seeing Maisie. Maisie says Oliver gets into moods. He can’t enjoy himself at a thing like this. He thinks he has no friends.
We all think, in the end, that we have no friends.
Maisie: He’ll be worried for me.
Why.
Oh, that I’ll drink too much and lose control and someone might take advantage of me, I mean it’s ridiculous.
You left him. It’s all about power.
Maisie: Yet he’s glad to be with his prize student. He’s delighted about her being pregnant. He just can’t get used to me being with other men.
Me: That’s common. I have that. It’s having to let go. Maisie: Yeah, men are great. But sometimes they try to be controlling and it just doesnt work.
4 I arrive late for badminton and Lydia is there and I have to play on her court. It’s hard to watch her have fun. I’m glad to be free of her, but I dont want her happy.
I leave early because I dont want to be ignored any longer in front of others. Lydia took offence because I suggested that when she’s passing the birdie to us, she lob it with an underhand shot instead of her inaccurate overhand. I know that the overhand tends to smash the birdie and, coupled with its inaccuracy, is jarring. But Lydia found this irritating and chose to ignore it.
Lydia has to run an errand, so I go to the Ship. I buy a round. Maisie confesses things have been bad with Oliver. He’s not good about their daughter. Essentially, he wants to have the baby, have his student, and get back together with Maisie, and he resents that she’s not interested.
In the past, she says, Oliver has often thought of breaking up with me. But then wanted me again. I spelled out his wish list and he very soberly agreed with me. Girlfriend on the side. I had to explain to him that I’m better off without him.
Me: I think we’re all better off alone.
Maisie: I think women are better off than men.
I think men are starting to catch up.
Maisie: It’s as if everyone has had enough of the one theyre with.
Lydia enters the Ship and walks to the bar to use the phone. She is calling someone. She is the kind who guesses at a number. She often gets a wrong number but this is part of her push into the world. I miss it. She doesnt mind saying, Oh, sorry. She is lavish with apologies. I try to limit mine. It’s true I’m mean with my apologies.
I have to stop watching Lydia.
5 There’s a bonfire in the field below me. A gang of boys feeds branches of the dead pine into a bed of molten rubber tires. Some steel-belted radials are burnt so that a mesh skeleton of tires remains, standing amid the inferno like some macabre effigy. At ten they run out of fuel and begin hauling pickets off the fences. Off my fence. A fire truck wobbles into a lane, and fat hoses are dragged up to the fire. The kids are swearing at the firemen. Cinders are landing on shingled roofs.
6 Now that it’s definitely November you can see through veils of dying shrubs. The world is going bald. Hedges you can see through. You can stare into a house. There are no secrets. With the trees bare you see the whole city sitting on the hill in its underwear. The striptease of the city is complete. Honesty reigns and the honest picture is barren and mean.