Graves from 1838. Samsons. Methodists. We meet a man and his three kids. He’s clearing up crab pots. Coiling rope.
Making a film, he says.
When he speaks he looks at his feet, but when he’s listening he stares you in the eye. Kids throwing themselves in the tall grass. Lydia points out a rusty bedspring. I figure the kids know of it, but the eldest bangs his head on it. It’s as if Lydia created the bedspring and then drew the boy to it. He rubs his head, says to his dad, I bashed me head in! but forgets it as he sees a white sail at the horizon. The man tells Lydia she can film anything she wants. His wife inside the house the whole time.
25 Life is the battle between attaining comfort and rebelling against it.
26 It’s Friday and I am feeling a little sorry for myself. I wonder if everybody suffers this in their loneliness.
Lydia worked late and then we went to the Ship. I had wanted to spend just ten minutes alone with her, but she wanted to go have a drink with the film crew. She said, Theyre all going down.
I didnt tell her I wanted the ten minutes.
When we got out of the car, she raised her face to mine to be kissed. And said: Youre a good boyfriend, you dont ignore me.
27 I overhear Maisie Pye and Daphne Yarn talk at the bar. Maisie says, Drinking does nothing for your relationship. It may be great for getting fucked, but not to meet men.
Alex arrives and I ask how things are with Craig.
A disaster. I ended up in behind his house in the dark curled up in a ball, crying. My emotions are all over the place. I’ve got photographs. Of the canoe trip.
Oh, let’s see.
There’s one of Alex in her canoe navigating the rapids. Craig is lying down in the back with the paddle gently steering.
Alex: Now that tells you so much, doesnt it?
What.
Well, look at my arm, so stiff. Like I’m twelve and I’m trying to be cool.
I dont see it that way, Alex.
Wilf Jardine comes in and we watch him as he leans over to Lydia.
Excuse me, he says. While I kiss my wife.
Lydia, in bed. What did you think of Wilf saying Excuse me while I kiss my wife.
It was funny. But I wish he didnt feel like he was doing something wrong.
Good.
He didnt see me.
It’s just for the past five days we’ve been married on-set. And he lives the part.
28 Lydia is at Craig Regular’s now, playing crib. She has called. I say, You two alone?
Yes.
That’s cozy.
She says she will be by soon. But she waits an hour. She waits on purpose until it’s too late. I say this. She says, I dont want to be made uncomfortable on the phone. She doesnt have any friends. Any time she spends with friends I resent. And Craig’s been a major help to her on-set. Any time we spend with other people she instigates. We fight for fifty minutes. And now she has gone home because she has a long day ahead.
I’ve got to lighten up. Cut her some slack, as she says. Saying cozy was out of line.
Iris in the house the entire time.
Lydia would prefer if I just asked if Craig was interested in her, was she interested in him, okay? Instead of this stuff. She said, If you were man enough.