Kona didn’t want to hear it. He knew it already, knew how his little effort, how his distraction had affected his playing. Still, he didn’t need Luka repeating something he already knew. He stood up then, walking toward the locker room without a backward glance at his twin, but stopped short when his empty water bottle connected with the back of his head. Kona spun around, pissed off, growing angrier at Luka’s laughter, at how his brother bent over, holding his stomach.
“Shit,” Luka said when Kona stomped toward him, peeling off his sweaty shirt like he was ready for a serious scrape.
“You think you’re funny? Think that shit is funny?”
Without thinking, Kona took a swing and his brother didn’t flinch, he barely moved and Kona’s huge knuckles caught Luka right on the chin.
His brother staggered back, rubbed his chin then held up his hand when one of the assistants start toward them. Finally, he looked at Kona, his eyebrows up. “Feel better?”
“No!” Kona kicked his pads, sending them next to the sideline benches.
“Is this about that bitch?”
He rushed toward his brother, grabbing his collar. “Don’t you fucking call her that. Don’t ever call her that.”
Luka’s features transformed, shock, surprise all making his eyes round, making his mouth dip open. “Woah, dude, what the hell?”
Keira again. It all came back to her. She had him on edge, had him stupid with confusion and guilt and Kona didn’t think Luka would get it. He knew his twin had never spent more than a week with one girl, hell, Kona hadn’t either, before. This was all new to him and the idea that he hated and loved feeling this way twisted his gut. Exhausted from the excruciating practice and the muddled shit running through his mind, Kona dropped to his knees then sat back down on the ground.
Luka came next to him, but Kona kept his eyes down, fingers curled in his hair. “I almost killed her.”
“What?”
“Today.” He rubbed his face and released a deep breath. “Tonya fucked with her, got in her head and Keira lost it. She completely lost it. Called me on all my shit.”
Luka whistled, stared after Kona like he wasn’t sure he’d heard him right. “She’s getting to you? And you’re letting her?”
Kona glanced at his brother, head shaking. “She wasn’t wrong. But, she had me so pissed off, downplaying what was going on with us that I threw her in my car, tore off down the interstate.” Kona still heard the screech of the tires and he swallowed against the bile he could taste in the back of his throat. “Got too close to a median and she smacked her head on the window.”
Luka whistled, an amazed sound that grated Kona’s nerves. “She okay?”
“No thanks to me.” He deserved whatever Keira gave him, he knew that. He deserved to have her tossing him out like he was nothing. He felt like nothing. “Shit.” Kona laid back on the grass uncaring about the mud seeping into his hair. “Why this one girl, brah? What the hell did she do to me? I can’t think. I can’t breathe. All I wanna do is be around her. I care what she thinks.” He turned his head, looking up at his brother, hoping he had answers. “Why the hell do I care what she thinks?”
Luka frowned, gnawed at the inside of his cheek, considering Kona, looking at him like he was losing it. “I don’t know, brah.” His twin looked down at his feet, features relaxing before he spoke again. “She’s a sweet girl and maybe she’s good for you. Maybe she’s what you need. You think it’s pilialoha?”
Kona slipped his gaze toward his twin, staring at him for a few stunned seconds before he closed his eyes. The term was always in the back of Kona’s mind. To be in a bond of love, according to his tutu kane. It’s what Kona wanted to avoid. What he thought he’d never have for himself.
“I don’t know,” Kona said, not sure he liked how his mind began to convince himself that’s exactly what he had with Keira.
“Listen, brah, you don’t need this bullshit. Girls will mess you up if you let them and you’ve got too much coming your way. Keira’s a nice girl. She’s hot.” Kona sat up, glared at Luka, his brother rolled his eyes, making Kona feel like an idiot. “I’m just saying. But brah, you gotta back off. You can’t let her control you like this. You gotta walk away.”
“Not necessary. She tossed me.”
“Good.”
“Fuck you, Lu.” Kona dug his heel into the ground, pulling up the grass and dirt as he thought about not being around Keira. Luka didn’t get it. He didn’t understand how she calmed him, how much he liked her.