Thin Love(142)
Kona joins Keira against the window, hands rubbing down his face as he processes everything she’s told him. His mother, the lies, Mark freakin’ Burke and finding out he had a son—it is information overload and Kona looks down at Keira, watches the way she rubs her neck, how she leans her head against the glass, taking it all in. Could he forgive her? Had she forgiven him? Kona isn’t sure what comes next.
“Why not later? Why haven’t you told me since then?”
“And have everyone thinking I was a gold digging groupie? Please, Kona, give me some credit.”
Just as quickly as his anger faded, it comes back, flashing into his head as he glares at Keira. “So, you’re saying your pride kept my son from me?”
“No. Of course not.” Even Keira’s sigh has Kona angry. Why the hell is she frustrated? Why is she the one that can’t keep her hands still, lets her patience slip? “I’m saying that I worked really hard for a really long time to build a reputation, to build a name for myself so that I could feed and clothe my son. You don’t have any idea how hard it is for a woman in the music industry. You have no clue how many hands I’ve had to slap off my ass or how many redneck singers and producers that offered me a shot if I’d sleep with them when I was trying to get my songs recorded.”
Keira walks around the room, head shaking as though the memory of those years plays back again, exhausting her. “I had to take care of my son and I had to make sure I was careful not to take any easy ways out. In my business when you’re starting out only your talent and reputation is what separates the real artists from the posers. I wasn’t about to have anyone finding out my son’s father was the new rich darling of the NFL.
“Besides, the last time I saw you, you blamed me for Luka’s death.” She pauses and Kona can see her temper surfacing. It’s familiar and he can’t look at her, not without seeing her in that jail, raging at him. He closes his eyes to block out the memory and hears Keira coming closer. “You hated me, Kona. I didn’t want my son to see that anger. He is all I have. Aside from Leann, Ransom is my only blood. You had your mother, your grandfather and I didn’t think any of you would thank me for reminding you of what you’d lost, for landing on your doorstep with a baby you’d fathered with a woman you hated. Raising him was hard. He came early; I had high blood pressure and he was a full six weeks early. So I did what I could. I worked in a diner for years, waiting tables, cleaning my boss’s home and she helped as much as she could. Bobby became family, but she was almost as broke as I was. It was desperate sometimes, but it was something I did. I wasn’t about to throw all of that away by being called a gold digger or some slut that was coming out of the woodwork just as your star was rising. “
In his mind, it makes sense. Her reasons, her desperation to prove herself. She’d been alone as Kona worked his way into success. He knows that. His brain tells him that it makes perfect sense. But his heart is another matter; years, so many years she’s kept this to herself. She’s kept his child from him. She refused to let him protect either of them and his heart overrules his mind. “You’re a selfish bitch.”
“Excuse me?”
“You are.” His voice rises, echoes around the room as Kona makes for the bar, needing something to do with his hands. “You’re a selfish bitch.” He slams back a drink and pours another before Keira stands behind him.
“Well, that’s helpful. Still up to old habits?”
Kona looks at the glass in his hand, then back at Keira’s bunched up features and that critical scowl on her face. “You know, what? Fuck you. You don’t get to come in here and start judging me like I’m still a stupid twenty year old. A couple of drinks because I’m pissed off doesn’t make me a drunk and I didn’t get where I am by juicing if that’s what you’re thinking. Six months in jail, Keira. Six months of me dodging Ricky’s boys when I testified against him. Six months and I crawled back to CPU, begged the coach to give me another shot. I worked my ass off. So, yeah, fuck you if you think you of all people can start judging me. I’m not the one who has lied to you for sixteen years. I’m not the one who was too damn proud to tell me I had a fucking child!” Keira barely blinks when Kona throws the glass against the wall, scattering chunks of ice and glass over the carpet.
She watches the darkened spot on the gray wall, but doesn’t get upset, doesn’t do more than let her gaze slip back to Kona. “I was protecting him.”