“Leah … and Olivia.”
I grimace at the first name, frown at the second.
“Ah,” he says, smiling. “I see the little raven-haired vixen is back?”
I run my thumbnail across my bottom lip, back and forth, back and forth.
“You know, Caleb … I am very aware of what your mother thinks about her. But, I couldn’t disagree with her more.”
I look up at him, surprise evident on my face. He very rarely disagrees with my mother, but when he does, it’s usually because he’s right. He also never shares his personal thoughts unless asked. The fact that he’s doing it now makes me sit up straighter in my chair.
“I knew she had you the first time you brought her over. I’ve had a love like that.”
My eyes dart to his face. He never talks about his life before my mother. They’ve been married for fifteen years. He’d been married once before, but-
“Your mother,” he says, grinning. “She’s terrible — truly. I’ve never seen someone as ruthless. But, she’s good too. The two sides balance each other out. I think the first time she met Olivia, she recognized a like soul and wanted to protect you.”
My mind flashed to that first dinner. I’d brought Olivia home to meet them, and my mother had, of course, made her as uncomfortable as possible. I landed up dragging Olivia out in the middle of dinner; so angry with my mother I never wanted to speak to her again.
“Most men like danger. There is nothing sweeter than a dangerous woman,” he says. “Makes us feel a little manlier to be able to call them ours.”
He’s right … possibly. I lost interest in healthy women shortly after meeting Olivia. It’s a curse. After tasting her, I’ve rarely found a woman who I actually think is interesting. I like her darkness, her ever present sarcasm, the way she makes me work for every smile — every kiss. I like how strong she is, how hard she fights for things. I love how weak I make her. I might be her only weakness. I earned that spot and I very much want to keep it. Olivia is the type of woman that men write songs about. There are about fifty of them on my iPod that make me think of her.
“Is she available?”
I sigh and rub my forehead. “She’s separated. But he showed up again a few days ago.”
“Ah.” He strokes his beard, his eyes smiling at me.
He’s the only one in my family who knows what I did. I went on a drunken binge after Olivia left and landed up punching a cop outside of a bar. I called him to come bail me out. He didn’t tell my mother, even when I confessed everything to him about the amnesia. He never once judged me. Only affirmed that people did crazy things when it came to love.
“What do I do, Steve?”
“I can’t tell you what to do, son. She brings out the worst in you and the best in you.”
It’s true and it’s hard to hear.
“Did you tell her how you feel?”
I nod.
“Then all you can do is wait.”
“What if she doesn’t choose me?”
He grins and leans forward in his seat. “Well, there’s always Leah…”
My laugh starts in my chest and works its way out.
“Worst joke ever, Steve … worst joke ever.”
Just like that, as soon as it began again, she’s back together with Noah. I know because she doesn’t call me. She doesn’t text. She moves on with her life and leaves me in the balance.
My anger burned. I wanted to kill him, slowly, with my hands.
Jim … he had almost — I didn’t want to think about what he’d almost done. And what if I hadn’t been around? Who would she have called? Three years she’d lived without me, I had to remind myself. Three years of drying her own tears and staving off assholes with her spiked words. She hadn’t fallen apart without me. She’d grown tougher. I don’t know if I felt relieved or sore about it. I’d had too much pride to admit my fault in our demise. By not saying more, by not fighting harder for her, I’d allowed her to believe it was her fault. And it wasn’t. Her only fault had been her brokenness. Not knowing how to express what she was feeling. Olivia was her own worst enemy. She decided something about herself and then she sabotaged her own happiness with it. She needed the type of love that stayed no matter what. She needed to see that nothing could devalue her in my eyes. Fuck, I hated myself. But, I’d been a child. I’d been given something valuable and I hadn’t known how to take care of it. I still wasn’t sure I knew how. But, one thing was certain — if anyone touched her, I’d kill them. I was going to kill him. Make up for lost time when I hadn’t been there to protect her.