I had no doubts that Chris did what was best for everyone. Hell, for all he knows that kid doesn’t belong to him at all. And if he had barged into their lives, demanding a DNA test, he could have very well been opening a whole can of unhappy worms for everyone involved.
As hard as it was, it was better this way. Of course, if he ever changed his mind, I knew I would support him. That’s the thing about life. Things can change on a dime. I just had to be open and willing to accept that change.
In an effort to move on from that subject, Chris stood up and carried his plate to the sink.
“Don’t worry about it,” I told him, I waved my hand toward the sink full of dirty dishes. “I can do those later.”
“I’ll help,” he offered, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s nice to do normal stuff from time to time.”
“With your normal date?” I teased as I stood up from the table.
Chris dropped his plate in the sink and turned to look at me. “Trust me,” he said, his dark eyes penetrating mine. “I’d take your normal over their sexy any day.”
I rolled my eyes and huffed, “Not according to the tabloids.”
“You believe that horse shit?” he asked, shaking his head. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the sink.
“Pictures don’t lie,” I said, copying his posture.
“Oh, you’re talking about the most recent Celebrity Star headliners?” Clearly annoyed, Chris furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, did the pictures tell you that the girl I was hugging just lost her husband who had been deployed overseas in the military? She was having a quilt made with his old concert T-shirts and was making it her mission to get them all autographed first. And did the pictures tell you that the girl whose hand I was holding just lost her sister to a battle with breast cancer? In an effort to raise money for breast cancer awareness, she was trying to plan a benefit concert with one of her sister’s favorite musicians. Most of what they put in those magazines is total bullshit.”
Suddenly, I felt like an idiot. I was making judgments based on sensationalized tabloid melodrama. I knew better, but it was so hard to refrain when I found myself so emotionally involved. “No,” I frowned. “No, I guess the pictures didn’t really tell me all of that.”
Chris took a step toward me. Towering over me, he brushed the hair out of my face and traced his finger down the side of my cheek. Staring into my eyes, his brown irises swirling with an indescribable emotion, he murmured, “Did the pictures tell you that I haven’t been able to get you off my mind since I saw you in New York? That the only thing I can think about is being here with you, in this normal life, and not having to say goodbye again?”
I couldn’t speak. My heart thundered in my chest. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye again either. Every time I closed my eyes, I relived the dream of our kiss, the feel of his arms around me, the taste of his lips on mine. I longed for him.
Chris cupped my face in his hands, staring at me with a longing that matched the one in my heart. “I don’t understand any of this, Salem. When I walked away from Kaitlyn, I thought I’d never love another woman like I loved her. I’m confused. I find myself thinking and feeling things I never imagined in a million years. I’m a fucking wreck. Part of this feels so wrong. I was a teenager. You were my counselor. It’s hard to get past that. That’s why this whole thing has me so messed up.”
He glanced away, lost for a moment in his own thoughts. He ran his fingers down the sides of my arms, triggering goose bumps on my skin. Clasping my hands and fixing his gaze on me again, he said quietly, “These strong feelings I have for you, they’re just too soon. But then I look back, remembering the bond we had, how you were there for me, how much you meant to me back then, and I realize that this thing between us now… it isn’t new. It started years ago with a closeness we didn’t understand, but both needed. A friendship that helped us both through some tough shit.”
I nodded, too overcome with thoughts and feelings to give a response. He was right. We did have a connection back then; one I couldn’t explain and didn’t understand. Since the day I’d left him at his apartment in Charlotte, I’d found myself having feelings for him that confused me too. My brain told me it was wrong because he was a teenager when I met him, but now he was a man—a strong, handsome, focused and driven man that I found myself thinking about more and more each day.
Chris pulled me closer and smiled. “Because of you, I walked away from juvie that day with hope. You listened to me, and you encouraged me. You gave me hope. Hope for a life out of trouble, a future in music, a chance for happiness, even love. Dum spiro spero. While I breathe, I hope, remember?” Then looking me straight in the eyes, he whispered, “I realize it now. You are my hope, Salem.”