Her eyes wide, Salem gasped, “Are you serious?”
I nodded, furrowing my eyebrows. “Yeah, so fucked up… anyway, this led to that, and I don’t know, it was like one of those ‘no regrets’ kind of things. At the end of the weekend, we said our goodbyes and that was that.”
She clapped a hand over her mouth with realization. “You slept with her?”
I nodded, glancing at my empty plate, embarrassed.
Assuming the worst, she blurted, “Oh my god, she gave you an STD, didn’t she?”
Shaking my head firmly, I said, “No, I’m clean. I’ve been tested.”
Cocking her head to the side in confusion, she asked, “So what happened then?”
“She left and went back home to her family.” I didn’t mean for the lump in my throat to pop up, but it did. I swallowed hard, peering up at her.
“And then what happened?” she prodded, her voice barely a whisper.
My eyes stung and the lump in my throat grew larger. “We didn’t contact each other. I knew letting her go back to her family was the right thing to do. But when we ran into each other at the grocery store a while ago, I…”
“Go on,” she coaxed, leaning in with interest.
The words fell out of my mouth. “She had this boy… He looked a lot like me… She introduced us, and I could almost swear I was looking at my own fucking kid.” Just then, I breathed a sigh of relief at my admission.
She held her fingers up to her temples, trying to process it all. “She got pregnant? Oh my god, she had your baby?”
My shoulders slumped. “I’m not sure, but it’s possible.” Too possible.
“What are you gonna do?” she asked as though she were contemplating the options.
I snapped to attention, fixing my gaze on her. “Nothing.” Well, except the trust fund I set up, but that’s all on me.
“Nothing?” With knitted eyebrows she demanded, “But, Chris, he might be your child.”
I shook my head adamantly. “You don’t understand, Salem. I watched them from a distance. She was happy. Those kids were happy. Her husband was there with her. He looked like such a great husband and father. They were one big, happy family. There is no way in the world that I would barge in and disrupt that little boy’s life just to prove we share the same DNA!” I just couldn’t do that to him… or to Kaitlyn.
Salem pondered that thought for a moment. “You know, my niece, Lillian, is adopted,” she said softly.
Huh? I cocked my head in confusion.
She nodded. “She was almost a year old when my brother and sister-in-law adopted her, even though she’d lived with them since birth. They were her foster parents while they waited for the biological father to sign the papers relinquishing his rights.”
I wasn’t quite sure why she was telling me all this.
“Anyway,” she continued, pushing the food around her plate in thought, “I remember how stressful that first year was. Lillian was the happiest baby. We all loved her more than life. But every court date was a nightmare, wondering if her biological father would waltz back into her life and snatch her away from them. Every time they faced the judge we all held our breaths, hoping and praying the adoption would be final. I couldn’t imagine if my brother and sister-in-law would have to deal with some man coming into our lives and demanding to be a part of Lillian’s life.”
Oh. She gets it. She understands why I had to do what I had to do.
“So, I get it,” she added, speaking softly, “I understand why you wouldn’t want to disrupt that sweet little boy’s whole world. I admire you for taking that step back, as hard as it may be.”
Without my permission, a tear slipped out of the corner of my eye and slid down my cheek. “It shattered me. Hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done.”
“I can only imagine,” she said softly. “You’re a good man, Chris.” Tears glossed her eyes.
This was yet another reason why I found myself falling so hard for her. She had a true heart of gold.
My instincts were right. I knew I’d read something in his tone when he talked about Kaitlyn having two children. I was just glad he’d finally had the courage to talk to me about it.
Hearing him talk about everything, I knew he’d made the hardest decision of his life, letting go. But, I think back to Lillian and everything we went through with her. If her biological father had walked into our lives, her whole world would have been uprooted. My brother was such a great father. Lillian had all the love she needed from him. I’d never known another child who was a daddy’s girl like she was, further evidence that it was entirely possible for someone who doesn’t share their DNA to love another child as much as their own. My brother was hard proof of that.