Pulling away slowly, I released her. I slid my hands down the length of her arms, hoping she’d understand my reluctance to leave.
“Go,” she urged me. “You’ve planted your roots, now go spread your wings.”
This was it. I knew I had to flick these broken fragments of my heart off my sleeve and walk away. I tried my best to keep my lip from trembling as my voice cracked, “Thank you for believing in me.”
Goodbye, Salem Honeycutt. You’re one of the best fucking things that ever happened to me. I hope you know that.
I quickly dropped her hands and sprinted back to my mother who was waiting for me near the gate. I couldn’t turn around to wave goodbye to her, knowing she’d see how utterly shattered I was. But I also couldn’t bear the thought of driving away from her, knowing I’d left her heartbroken on the sidewalk.
I walked out the gate, sank into the car, and turned up the volume on the radio while I listened to my mom chatter on and on about nothing important. Restraining my tears, I kept my eyes glued to the road ahead of us. I refused to look back. It was just easier that way.
I stood in silence, covering my face in my hands. I had completely forgotten about Barry standing behind me in the doorway until he walked up beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, gently pulling me toward him. “It’s okay to cry, Salem,” he whispered. “Some kids touch our lives deeper than others.”
With his permission, I curled into his arms and sobbed. He held me and gently swayed me back and forth until I was gasping for breath against his chest.
“You did your job, Salem. He’s a good kid. He’s gonna be fine,” Barry assured me.
“Thank you,” I somehow managed to say. “Thank you for everything.”
“One thing is for sure. You have found your calling. These kids love you as much as you love them. I’ve never seen such reform in all the years I’ve been at Fairbanks. Sometimes working in this field can make you calloused. Don’t ever let go of that compassion you have. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t let yourself get burned out. These kids need you. That much is obvious.”
Filled with emotion, I simply nodded. What I didn’t tell him was that I needed them as much as they needed me.
“Come on,” he said, pulling me toward the door. “Let’s go change some more lives.”
The first thing I saw when I stepped into my office was the light brown envelope resting on the corner of my desk. Chris’s handwriting sprawled across the front:
Carefully I opened the envelope and removed the small gilt-edged journal from it. Gently opening to the first page, I realized something—all of the pages had been unfolded. I gasped when I realized the monumental meaning behind this gesture. He trusted me enough to share his innermost thoughts with me. Snapping the journal shut, I held it to my chest, silently thanking him for trusting me that much. That alone was enough.
I cracked it open again and found a letter tucked inside the first few pages.
Dear Mrs. H,
Words can’t express my thoughts. I’m sitting here on my bed on my last night at Fairbanks imagining what it will be like to have to say goodbye to you tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. You have been my rock these last few months. I came into this place alone and hurting. I had just watched my first love drive away in her car the night before I came here. I could barely think straight, much less function doing anything else. I sat down in your office that first day wishing I could just die and never have to face another day without her. But, you helped pull me out of that depression. In this journal you gave me, I was able to write myself through some dark days. Inside it, you will find some lyrics, some poems, and some long strings of words that barely make sense, but through it all, I was healing. I have you to thank for all of that. You were there when I needed you. You talked when I needed you to talk. You listened when I needed you to listen. I can’t thank you enough for the influence you’ve had over my life. You were the light in my darkness. I will never forget you.
Love always,
Chris
I’d never really considered myself a praying woman, but that day in my office, I prayed to God that He would watch over Chris. I gave myself a few moments to gather myself, but I knew it was time to move forward. Without reading any of the other entries, I closed the journal and found a place for it high on my bookshelf. Then I picked up the phone and called Officer Blevins at his desk to summon my next scheduled client.
It was getting close to eight o’clock. I sat at a tiny table for two at Acropolis Grill, anxiously waiting for Chris to arrive. My mind retraced our shared past as my hands wrung in my lap. While I’d wondered about him from time to time and hoped that someday I’d see him in concert, I never imagined I would actually be meeting him like this.