Then There Was You(44)

Goodbye, Chris.





Besides my dad, I’d only had to say goodbye to someone I truly cared about once before. And I guess we all know how that turned out. Kaitlyn was no longer a part of my life and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. Now here I was again, having to say goodbye to yet another important person in my life.

I was beyond ready to go home. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed. I was eager for my life to get back to normal. But, there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for… I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Mrs. H. This woman had been a bright spot in my darkest days. She helped me get through a lot of ridiculously long and miserable days. Saying goodbye to her was the hardest part of leaving Fairbanks.

My mom looked so happy. I couldn’t wait to get home and shoot some hoops with my little brother. I was even excited to see Murdock, my mom’s annoying, little wiry-haired terrier. But saying goodbye to Salem… I just didn’t want my time with her to end. I needed her. I know she needed me too, but I needed her more than she could ever imagine. How would I deal with being back home again, knowing my father was still locked up in prison? How would I cope with bumping into Kaitlyn for the first time? I wanted to be able to go to her any time I needed to talk to someone about something.

I don’t know what I would have done without her the night I found out about Kaitlyn. Salem, who I now saw as less of a counselor and more as a friend, was the one who was there for me. She listened to me. She understood me. She was my rock.

And at the same time, I knew she needed me too. I hadn’t so quickly forgotten about the cut on her wrist and the dark circles around her eyes. I also hadn’t forgotten the story about her trip to Italy with her father and how broken she seemed over it. Or what about the tears that she’d cried privately in her office, but wiped away the moment I walked in? I knew I would worry about her too. I wanted to be able to make sure she was okay. But I couldn’t, and I knew that.

Walking away from her that day was going to be one of the hardest moments of my life, but I had to play it cool. I had to be strong, but seeing her lip quiver as she spoke completely shredded my heart. Damn, I want to make her proud.

My mother curled her arm around my waist, eager to get out of there, but I was having a hard time walking away. I wanted her to understand my resistance, but how could I make her comprehend what Salem meant to me? How much I needed her? How I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and thank her again for being there for me?

If I’d said any of those things to my mom, she wouldn’t have understood the depth of our connection without twisting it into something ugly. So instead, I let her pull me away from the only other person, besides Kaitlyn, I’d ever opened up to—the only other person who knew me inside and out, good and bad.

I trudged down the sidewalk toward the exit gate in the worst fucking mood I’d been since that night Salem let me blubber on her shoulder. I was walking out of Salem’s life and leaving her behind. I knew I may never see her again. I could feel her presence in my life diminishing with every step I took. I didn’t want to need her so much. I couldn’t understand what it was about this woman that made me feel so attached to her. I knew I needed to forget her, but I couldn’t let her go that easily.

I put one foot in front of the other, and right before the guard unlocked the gate to let us out, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Ripping myself away from my mother’s grasp, I sprinted back toward Salem for the hug that was long overdue. I needed to wrap my arms around her and let her know that I’d never forget her for everything she’d done for me… for everything she meant to me. I wasn’t sure I could move forward without her.

When I reached the top step where she was standing, I saw her tear-streaked cheeks and the redness around her eyes. This was just as hard for her as it was for me.

I held my arms out for her, and she barreled into them. Clasping the back of her head with my hand, I clutched her against me. My heart slammed in my chest. I would never forget this woman who picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and helped me mend them back together one piece at a time. She encouraged me to go after my dreams, sat by me in my darkest moments, and was there for me when I needed someone the most. I loved her for everything she was to me. We both whimpered with stifled tears, wallowing in our sorrow just a moment longer.

“I believe in you, Chris,” she whispered against my chest.

I held her close as her warm tears dampened my shirt. For a few earth-shattering seconds, we lingered in each other’s embrace, trying to suppress our emotions. Everything about that moment was devastatingly perfect.