He reached up, gripping his head and tugging at his hair with frustration. “I’m about to lose my fucking mind,” he groaned, glancing around at the barren, white cement block walls.
“I know. I’m working on getting you out sooner.”
“Thanks. I can’t take the silence. My mind is going crazy in here. I’m about to lose my shit.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, sympathetically. A week was way too long for these kids who already have a tendency to remain on edge.
“I feel lost in here, but seeing you helps.” Creases formed in the corners of his eyes as he smiled.
I smiled back. “I’m glad I can help.”
“Me too,” he said wistfully. “You have no idea how much.”
I remembered the mornings that I fought to climb out of my bed, to climb out of the dark recesses of my depression, and to put one foot in front of the other to get through each day. Just last night I’d been up four times with Alexis. I could barely hold my eyes open on my way to work that morning before my coffee kicked in, but I knew the minute I walked through the door, my world would brighten because these kids would breathe life into me, not suck it out.
“Yeah, I do have an idea…” I admitted.
We stared at each other. Chris’s dark eyes penetrated mine, and it seemed as if in that moment he understood me.
“I’m going to get you out,” I said earnestly.
“Pinky swear?” he pleaded, resorting to the ultimate promise from his childhood with desperation in his voice.
“I pinky swear.” Sticking my tiny finger through the slot, Chris wrapped his own finger around mine. A pulse of determination shot through my body the minute he touched me. Come hell or high water, I will be getting him out.
“Thank you, Mrs. H,” he whispered, hopeful.
I walked away knowing that we connected in that moment, bonding on the same level. He was a lost and broken teenager who just needed someone to understand him—to really hear him. I was a hollow shell of a person who just needed a beacon of hope, a possibility for something positive. Together we complemented each other’s needs.
The grocery store was packed that afternoon. Every aisle felt like a maze of carts. It had been a long day and I just wanted to get in, get out, and be done with it. Alexis slept peacefully in her car seat in the big basket of the cart, which meant I’d only have enough room for a few items. I zipped through the aisles as fast as I could, grabbing things off the shelves from my list.
I was quickly comparing Nutrition Facts on the back of two different cans of soup when Alexis’s blood curdling scream startled me. I promptly dropped the can, landing it directly on my pinky toe.
“Shit!” The word flew out of my mouth as a knee-jerk reaction.
Several mothers glared at me, and pushed their children away from the scene.
Hopping around on one foot, I hobbled toward my cart where Alexis was writhing and wailing in her car seat. I found her pacifier and popped it into her mouth.
It wouldn’t work for long. Alexis hated her paci, and I’d left the diaper bag with her bottle in the car, knowing we’d only be in the store for a few short minutes.
“Shh.” I gently rocked her car seat.
Alexis sucked and grunted while I held the paci in her mouth with one hand and pushed the cart with the other, hobbling on my sore foot.
I knew I needed to get out of there. I could already feel my anxiety levels rising. My ears were burning and sweat beads were already forming on my forehead. I never noticed when other peoples’ kids were crying, but the minute Alexis began wailing, it felt like all eyes were on me.
I had too many items in my cart to put them all back, so I knew I had to get straight to a cashier before she started up again.
Standing in a line that felt like a mile long, I gently rocked the cart back and forth. Alexis squirmed, clearly unhappy. Suddenly, she spit the pacifier out of her mouth and startled everyone around us with another one of her ear piercing screams.
I quickly unbuckled the harness of her car seat and lifted her up, bouncing, shushing, and patting her on the bottom. It was useless; I’d been here before. There would be no calming her down.
I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead. Rationally, I knew there was no need to feel anxious. Everyone’s kids cried sometimes. Everyone had been in my shoes at some point in their lives, but that didn’t stop my stress level from rising.
“It’s okay, Alexis,” I cooed. “We’re almost done.”
She flailed in my arms, squalling. Pushing my cart forward a few inches, as if that would make the line move faster, I noticed a pair of blue eyes staring at me.
“Aren’t they just precious?” A little old lady smiled at me, graciously trying to ignore my glaring black eye.