Theirs to Keep(34)

Her heart lightened. Cade relaxed against her. The awkwardness was over, and perhaps now the hard part began. Making it work. Pushing it from the realm of fantasy and fiction into real life.

Could they make such a relationship work in reality?

There was only one way to find out.





C H A P T E R S E V E N T E E N



WHEN ELLE WALKED INTO THE kitchen the next morning, she felt self-conscious, and it was automatic to be shy and reserved instead of finding that comfortable routine they’d settled into over the last several months.

But things had changed. Yesterday, they’d taken a giant leap. She couldn’t say whether it was forward or not. Who knew what the future held? In order to effectively have a future, one had to embrace and come to terms with one’s past.

It would be so easy to shut her eyes, shake her head and refuse to allow any part of the past in. A huge part of her didn’t want to remember. She wanted to start over. In so many ways, her life had begun the day Cade and Merrick found her.

And it wasn’t to say that she had nothing or was nothing without the two men. But in those awful few days between the time whatever horrible thing had happened to her and when Cade and Merrick had found her, she’d been desolate and hopeless.

They’d given her strength. And faith that she wasn’t consigned to that fate forever.

She never wanted to feel the utter devastation that she’d endured when she’d awakened on the riverbank, cold and shivering, her mind a blank and filled with only one thing.

Terror.

“Mornin’,” Cade called out.

Merrick paused at the blender, where he was concocting his high-protein breakfast shake that he always drank before his morning workout at his gym. He stared at her, those eyes brooding but unerringly able to ferret out the slightest shift in her mood.

“What’s wrong?” Merrick asked bluntly.

Cade arched a brow, but he too was staring at her like he knew something was off.

She gave a slight grimace and trudged toward the table where she could sit and see both men.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just a little…” She pursed her lips and then frowned. “I’m not sure what I am, to be honest. But let’s face it. Yesterday was pretty heavy. I guess I’m not sure what it is I’m supposed to do now.”

“Just because we laid out how we feel about you doesn’t mean that things change,” Cade said mildly.

She glanced over, and he’d turned to the side from the stove, his hip cocked against the edge as he held a spatula in his left hand.

“Logically, I know that. Or at least I think I do. I’m just afraid. Of so many things. Right now, I’m freaked out by my own shadow. It’s hardly a time to be contemplating a serious relationship. I don’t know why the both of you aren’t running like hell in the other direction. What could you possibly see in me?”

Merrick’s expression immediately grew stormy. Cade’s brow furrowed in a clear what-the-fuck manner, and she held up her hand to stop the inevitable blowup.

“I’m not being all woe is me here, guys. I’m not even saying it to garner sympathy or to build up my ego. I’m not even spouting a bunch of crap of how I’m not worthy, and you’re too good, blah blah blah. I’m being brutally honest here. I’m a complete and utter hot mess. I’m so twisted up that it could take years to untie all the knots. Why on earth would you put yourself through this? I’m genuinely baffled.”

Merrick’s face softened. He dumped the now-empty blender into the sink and then walked to where she sat, taking the chair next to her. He reached for her hand, twining their fingers together.

“How do you explain why the sun rises every morning? How do you explain the stars in the sky? How do you understand why no two snowflakes are alike? Some things just are, baby. And this is one of them. I can’t give you pretty, dressed-up answers that are so polished they don’t even sound sincere. I can only tell you that for me, it’s you. It’s always going to be you and nobody else. Fuck explaining it. I don’t need an explanation. I just need you.”

“Not that I can do near the job he just did with that oh-so-eloquent speech,” Cade said dryly. “But I’d like to put my two cents in at least.”

Her chest was so tight that she wasn’t certain she could take any more like what Merrick had just stunned her with. She was speechless. And her heart fluttered so wildly that she felt light-headed and dizzy. Drunk on sensation.

The hope that had sprung in the last little while had started as a slow trickle that she kept a very tight rein on. She’d feared getting ahead of herself.