The truth was, and she realized it more than ever, that she didn’t want to go anywhere without them. Cade and Merrick had not just become parts of her life. They’d become the most important aspect of her existence.
She depended on them for everything. Even if it was just a comforting smile and the assurance that she’d always have a place with them.
That part always baffled her, but they were absolutely sincere. In fact, they’d settled into a comfortable existence that she took for granted more with each passing day.
It had been an alarming realization just the day before that she found herself hoping that she didn’t have to deal with her past and any possible issues it could present. She was happy and content with Cade and Merrick. In the present. Today. Now.
She was hopelessly in denial, but she didn’t want to correct the problem. She found refuge in denial. If she didn’t think about it, it didn’t exist, and it couldn’t hurt her.
She had to temper the urge to put her foot down on the accelerator. Instead she eased out of the parking lot, being supremely cautious. Sweat rolled down her neck when a patrol car passed in front of her and turned right at the next street.
Her hands grew clammy, and panic rose sharply. She tried to keep her breathing measured and then accelerated past the side street and focused on getting home.
Home.
It was what she considered Cade and Merrick’s house.
Her home.
She didn’t want to be anywhere else.
No matter where she traveled to with Cade and Merrick for Merrick’s fights or training, she considered their little house in their quiet little subdivision home, and it was where she felt the safest.
A few minutes later, she pulled into the driveway and hurriedly got out of the SUV. She rushed for the front door, so happy to be back where she felt secure that she was nearly giddy with relief.
When she entered through the kitchen, both men turned around from where they were sitting at the table. Their gazes found her instantly, and then they both frowned.
“What’s wrong?” Merrick asked sharply.
“Where are the groceries?” Cade asked. “Do you need us to bring them in?”
She shook her head mutely, and the crush of her stupidity hit her full on. She was embarrassed over her panic attack. Now that she was back in her sanctuary, all the fear faded, and calm descended.
Merrick rose and walked toward her, concern burning in his eyes.
“Elle, baby, what happened?”
She pulled out his card and thrust it in his direction.
“I’m an idiot. I was fine. I picked out all these goodies and meats and had plans to make certain meals. It was something I wanted to do for the both of you. And then when I got to the checkout, I realized that I had no right to spend all that money. Money that isn’t mine. I don’t even know who I am. I have no ID. And I’m there using your card like I have the right, and I just felt so ashamed.”
A curse blew past Merrick’s lips. He closed his hand over hers but didn’t take the card. In the background, Cade rose and walked over to where Elle and Merrick stood. His expression wasn’t any happier than Merrick’s.
“You have every right,” Merrick bit out. “Elle, you belong to us. It’s our job to take care of you and your needs. We took that on willingly. We don’t regret that for a minute. Part of seeing to your needs is providing you the means to buy whatever it is you need. Like clothing. Food. Whatever makes you happy.”
“You were happy when you left here,” Cade interjected quietly. “You were excited and looking forward to going out on your own. What happened?”
She threw up her hands in frustration. “I freaked out. I just started thinking that none of this is mine. I have no money. No identity. I’m a complete burden to both of you. And then when I was driving home, I saw a cop, and I had a panic attack right then and there. I mean, when does it end? I can’t go on like this. How can you even stand to be around me? I’m a hot mess. A complete head case.”
Merrick reached out, put his arm around her neck and pulled her against his chest until her face rested over his heartbeat. He kissed the top of her head, but then what he did next completely shocked her.
As he pulled her away, he leaned down, palmed the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers in a hot, hungry kiss. He didn’t try to overpower her. In fact, he was extremely gentle. But she was overpowered from the first moment their lips met.
Her knees went weak, and heat pooled in her belly, rushing rapidly through her veins.
This time when he pulled away, his eyes were flush with desire, and he stared at her like…like she was something special. Someone he cherished. She stared back, mystified, and then her gaze skirted to Cade because she found herself suddenly dreading his reaction. She didn’t like the feeling that she had just in some way betrayed Cade. It was a stupid thought because they were nothing to her, and she was nothing to them. Was she? But then why had Merrick kissed her? Why had he looked at her with warm possessiveness that made her shiver in delight?