Theirs to Keep(27)

It was all absurdly normal, and she got an equally absurd thrill that she was doing something so mundane as grocery shop. Something everyone else likely considered a humdrum necessity and not the veritable mountain of an obstacle Elle considered it.

It took her half an hour to check off everything from her list. She’d been careful to ensure she bought things that Merrick could eat—and should eat—with his strict training regimen. But she’d also incorporated a few treats. It wouldn’t hurt for him to indulge every once in awhile, and she wanted to pamper him and Cade every bit as much as they’d pampered her.

It may not seem like much, but she was determined to give something back to them.

Elle piled her groceries onto the checkout conveyor and then hurried to stand in front of the cashier. Her hand slid into her pocket for the debit card Merrick had given her, and she froze and then stared at all the items she’d chosen.

Her heart began to race, and dismay crowded her mind. She swallowed hard and then glanced nervously at the woman who was rapidly scanning the groceries.

No. Not now. Damn it. She couldn’t freak out and melt down now. Not when she was so close to victory. She could taste it. She was a few short moments away from driving back home, a huge hurdle in her recovery overcome.

She closed her eyes as despair swamped her. Despite her best efforts to push through the panic and fear, she utterly failed.

For just a moment, she’d allowed herself to believe she was a normal woman going to the grocery store to buy the fixings for all the yummy things she wanted to make Cade and Merrick. As a thank you. Just to do something more to pull her weight.

But she had no money. She didn’t even have identification if she was asked for it. Merrick had given her the pin number, stressing there wouldn’t be an issue as long as she didn’t use the credit option.

None of this was hers. She had no right to Merrick’s credit card. Or his money. Or to be here like she belonged.

Despair weighed down on her. And panic. What if she never remembered? She couldn’t depend on Cade and Merrick forever. Couldn’t expect them to support her and for her to continue on in her helpless frustration.

Her mouth had gone completely dry, and she withdrew her hand from her pocket just as the cashier scanned the last item.

“I’m really sorry,” Elle said in a low voice. “I’ve forgotten my wallet.”

She began backing away from the register as she spoke. A look of annoyance creased the cashier’s face. Then the cashier surveyed the groceries that the bagger was steadily working on.

“They’ll be in the cart if you want to run home and get it,” the cashier said. “We can’t wait long, or the refrigerated goods will go bad.”

Elle nodded and turned and all but ran from the store, hoping she hadn’t drawn too much attention to herself. She felt like the worst sort of idiot. It had seemed like such a good idea, a fun idea, to go out on her own. Take the plunge. Be brave.

The last months had been so wonderful. She’d made friends. She had a circle of people—Merrick’s and Cade’s people—who accepted her and she hung out with. But she’d still remained solidly dependent on Cade and Merrick, never going anywhere without one of them.

She’d wanted to do something normal, something brave and independent. Only she wasn’t normal. She had no way to pay for the items, and it felt wrong to pull out Merrick’s credit card and blithely pay for her whims.

The grocery store was close enough to walk and that had been her plan to walk the three blocks, but Cade and Merrick had flipped out over the suggestion.

They hadn’t wanted her to go alone at all, but they’d put their foot down when she’d mentioned walking. The mere idea of her being so exposed without their protection had broken both men out into a sweat, so she’d backed down quickly.

Cade insisted she use his SUV, and she’d balked at the idea of driving without a license or identification. Both men had said they’d rather chance her driving the three blocks than walking. Now she was glad they had because she just wanted to be back in the sanctuary of their house.

She liked being close to them. Today had been more of a test of herself than it was the idea that she was actually facing her fears and venturing out on her own. That’s the way she’d presented it to the men, but she’d known the truth. She’d been terrified but determined to force herself out of her comfort zone. Out of the isolation she’d existed in for the last six months.

Yes, she associated with the people in Cade and Merrick’s circle. Good people. But she still led a very isolated existence, and she knew it. She did nothing outside of Cade’s and Merrick’s interests. Nothing for herself. Nothing on her own.