Their Virgin Secretary (Masters of Ménage #6)(57)

He just fucked everything up wherever he went.

"Never mind. I won't force you to hear this." He curled his fingers into a fist to stop himself from touching her. "I'm sorry."

Belle touched him, a hesitant caress of her fingertips on the back of his hand, so soft he almost didn't feel it. "Stop. You think I hate you, Kellan, and I don't."

When he looked down he saw that gorgeous face he knew so well, the one he saw every day while he worked and dreamed of every night when he slept. It tore at his heart. "I wouldn't blame you if you did."

She shook her head. "I know you were married. Since you're not anymore, I assume it didn't end well."

He eased back into the chair beside her, so close now their knees nearly touched. The intimacy of their closeness in the early morning light made it easier to confess his past.

"It was more than the end. Way more." He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, trying to ease away the tension. "I met Lila in law school. We were the golden couple of our class."

The slightest smile tugged her lips up. "I can see that."

His head sometimes hurt just thinking about his ex-wife and her machinations. "My father is a judge."

"In DC, right?"

"Yes, he's a federal court judge, but before that he was a lawyer for years. Kent and Associates was a powerhouse firm. We made millions. When the president appointed dear old dad, I took over the firm. Well, Lila and I took it over. We hadn't been married long." He shook his head, thinking about all his stupid hopes and foolish dreams back then.

Belle tucked her hand in his. A stronger man would push her away, but damn, the world seemed like a better place when she touched him.

"Obviously, the divorce had a profound effect on you, Kell. You must have loved her very much." A well of sympathy filled her voice.

He winced. That had been part of the problem. Perhaps he could have forgiven himself if he'd been blinded by love. "I thought I did, but I'm pretty sure now that I chose Lila because she fit the bill, if you know what I mean."



       
         
       
        

"I don't."

That didn't surprise him. Belle wouldn't marry for any reason but pure, abiding love. "I was ready to start my life and getting married was the next step. I had a plan, you see."

"Not surprising. You always have a plan."

He was a list maker, a man who usually thought out his next twelve steps before taking one. He'd never been a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants thinker the way Eric could be. He'd never had impulsive moments like Tate. Nope, he thought through every pro and con, then made decisions based on his sometimes laborious risk assessment.

Loving Belle was too much of a danger. He'd decided that long ago.

"I wanted to go into politics. It probably sounds stupid, but I decided to seek office when I was a kid. I'm sure it had something to do with pleasing my parents. My mom was a wonderful woman. From the time I was little, she always said I should be president. We've had a few senators in our family, but Mom thought I deserved to be the first Kent to achieve the nation's highest office. She put it just like that, too. I was convinced I wanted to help people. So corny."

"Not at all. I think it's admirable."

Belle could be so naïve. "Did I really want to help people? Or was I just an ambitious fuck who had too much money and always wanted the best of everything? Being president looked like the best job, so I'd made up my mind to surround myself with the appropriate trappings and go for it. Lila was pretty and so smart it hurt. Hell, she was smarter than I was. Tate was top of our class, but she was right behind him. I trailed her academically, but she backed my dreams. So we became a pair. About the time I graduated, my mom died of cancer. Her last wish was that I pursue my dreams. She'd given birth to me and when she lay dying, I couldn't do anything but promise I would."

"Kellan, at the risk of sounding like Tate, it's almost statistically impossible to become president. Your mother wouldn't hold you to a deathbed vow, especially if chasing the goal was making you miserable."

He shook his head. "You didn't know my mother. She would be disappointed in me today. But at the time, I was determined to keep my promise. So I proposed to Lila, and we went to work for my dad's firm. After a year, we started planning my first campaign. State senator. We began fund-raising, and for a while we were really a team. I thought we were happy. I wanted to have kids, but she put me off at first. She agreed it would be great publicity for me to campaign with a pregnant wife, but she wasn't ready."