Their Virgin Secretary (Masters of Ménage #6)(124)

Kellan flushed guiltily. "Sorry. I really didn't mean any disrespect. I … I just haven't thought about a family in a long time. The idea of you and Tate starting one with Belle is disconcerting."

"You can't expect us to wait, man. We're not getting any younger." He was ten years older than his parents were when they had him. It was time for him to start building his future, and that began with Belle and some kids he could raise, mold, and love. 

Kellan ran a weary hand over his face. "Well, I'm not ready-for any of this. I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

Eric had an easy answer for that. "No one ever is. No one. Do you think I'm ready for kids? It scares the holy hell out of me. What are we going to tell them? How are we going to explain the fact that they have a mom and more than one dad? We're going to have to try to fit in at PTA meetings and neighborhood block parties. The idea that we could make our kids' lives hard makes me sick, but that won't stop me from trying. Because I love that woman and I'm going to love our kids. After that, being ready has nothing to do with it. I'm just going to lead with my heart. But I think everyone who's ever had a kid worries about being a good enough parent."

"It's more complicated than that," Kellan shot back.

"Only if you make it that way. I think it's pretty damn simple."

"You don't understand what happened to me."

Frustration welled inside Eric. "I know exactly what happened to you. You were humiliated. You were betrayed. But most of all, you were embarrassed. And guess what? It doesn't matter. That's what you've never gotten. It doesn't change who you are to me, to Tate, or to Belle. You think you looked like a fool. You're wrong. We think Lila and your father are terrible human beings who didn't give a shit about you. None of that was your fault. Even if it had been, we wouldn't give a shit. We just love you. You're letting a woman who didn't give two shits about you-not even for one second-win over three people who have always loved you and always will. For a Dom, you sure are giving her all the power."

Kellan flushed, his mouth firming to a hard line. "I'm not giving her power. That's such a fucking simplistic thing to say. This is about more than just Lila."

"You're right. This isn't really about Lila at all. This is about you. You can walk away from what Lila did. You can even walk away from your father. You think it's Belle you don't trust."

Kellan slapped a hand against the bar, the sound jarring. "I trust Belle. I don't trust me."

Finally, he was being honest. "You blame yourself for everything, but it wasn't your fault."

"I should have seen it coming. I should have seen through her."

"You have to forgive yourself. God, Kellan, do you really think this self-flagellation hasn't affected the rest of us? You seem to think you're the one on the outside, but you're wrong. You are and have always been a part of this family, and we need you. You think your choice won't hurt anyone except you. You're wrong. And Tate and I will miss you. Belle will regret losing you until the day she dies. Here's what you really don't understand: our kids are going to miss you too because you would be a spectacular father."

Kellan closed his eyes, but not before Eric saw a sheen of tears there. He swallowed it down. "I don't have any idea how to be a father. Mine was such a crappy example."

It was easy to see he wanted it though. Eric relaxed. This wasn't a case of Kellan being stubborn. He was scared, but that wouldn't last forever. The situation called for a little patience and kindness. But then, he'd learned the hard way that patience and kindness were two requirements to make a functional, happy family.

"My dad was an asshole, too. He wanted to live through me. He expected me to do all the things he wasn't able to and he didn't care if I got hurt in the process. My last concussion put me in the hospital. My dad was there when I woke up, calling me a pussy and telling me to get my sorry ass back out on the field. I refused. He won't talk to me anymore. He didn't want a son, just a star athlete. He was a horrible role model. He taught me nothing about being a good parent. But he showed me exactly what not to do. I can figure out the rest because I'm going to love that kid like I love his mother."



       
         
       
        

Kellan set the beer down. "I don't know what to do. I … I care about Belle. I really do. You and Tate are the brothers I never had. I don't want to lose you all, but I don't trust it either. I couldn't make a lasting relationship with one person. How do I do that with three of you? If it falls apart, it will happen in spectacular fashion because of me."