Their Virgin Princess (Masters of Ménage #4)(81)

But he hated the boundaries that were still between them.

He lay back, letting her take the lead when every cell in his body wanted her flat on her back with her ankles around his neck, screaming out his name.

She leaned over and kissed him, her tongue running along his bottom lip as she reached for his cock. Her small hand played with his balls, cupping them and rolling them before she stroked up his length and let her thumb swipe across the head of his cock.

Fuck, she was getting so good at that.

He brought his hands to her hair, tangling them in her damp strands and holding her mouth to his so he could settle his tongue in. This was what he loved. She softened beside him. He started to roll her on to her back. Little bits at a time. Ease her into it.

She pushed back. "No. Not like that."

Frustration started to well. It wasn't that he wouldn't take her any way she would have him. It was that she wasn't even trying to push past her fears. "Lea, baby, can we just try?"

She wrinkled her nose. "I don't like it. But you like this."

She kissed his throat, an obvious attempt to deflect the problem.

"I want to talk about it." He really did, but he adored the way her mouth was covering his skin, her hands running across his muscles.

"I want to make love."

"Lea, how are you going to take all three of us if you won't let anyone on top of you?" He forced himself to sit up, his erection complaining mightily, but this was an issue they needed to address. 

She frowned, sitting up and back on her heels, that 'imperious princess' look on her face. He wondered if she'd been taught that look, the one that let everyone know she was royal and they were not. "If you aren't interested, I'll go find Lan."

"Lan wants to be on top of you, too. We all do."

She frowned, her eyes turning down. "I don't understand why."

"Because it will mean you trust us."

She softened slightly. "I do trust you."

"To a point. Talk to me. Give me part of this burden, baby. You don't have to keep everything rattling around inside you. Just start talking and let it out. It's a poison in your system until you do."

Her fists clenched and for the first time in weeks, he saw that icy persona she used to wear like armor. "You don't know what you're talking about, and I would thank you to leave it be. I don't ask you to bare your soul to me, and I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to delve into mine."

He lay back, hating that cold tone that crept into her voice. They'd made some progress with her body but not her soul. "All right, Lea. You're right. Go find Lan. I'm going to stay here for a little while, soak up some sun."

He knew when he'd hit a brick wall. He closed his eyes because he couldn't watch her walk away.

And yet she didn't move. Her hand crept back to his chest, her palm over his heart. Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. "I'm scared to talk about it."

There was a crack in that brick wall. Finally. Maybe they'd done more good than he'd thought. He didn't open his eyes, giving her some cover, but he put his hand over hers. "There's nothing to be scared of."

She was quiet for a moment. "Why can't things stay like this? I like it like this."

Now he opened his eyes, focused on her. "Things change, Lea. We can't stop them from changing, but if we really know and love each other, then maybe we can change together. Lots of people start out in love and they really mean it, but that love dies because a couple of years down the road, they're not the same people anymore. And it doesn't work anymore because they never really knew one another. I want to know you. I want to know your past and the you right now. I want to grow with the Alea of the future. But I don't know how we do that if you keep all the doors closed between us."

A sad smile curled her lips up. "We've opened a whole lot of doors, Coop."

He sat back up because she really had been trying. He caught her mouth with his, a sweet affection. "I know, baby, but this is a damn important door."

She took a long breath and her shoulders shuddered slightly. "It was hell."

Oh, crap. He'd kind of thought Dane would be around when she opened up, but he wasn't going to shut her down. "I know, baby, but it can't hurt you now."

"What if some of those doors you want me to open lead to bad places? What if they show you things you might not want to see?"

He didn't want to see any of it, wished it had never happened, but those months were so important to who Alea was now that if they didn't talk about it, those memories would become landmines that eventually exploded. "There is nothing you can tell me that will make me love you less, Alea."

"Sometimes I feel like I should have done more," she began quietly. "Lots of women died in that place. Why was I kept alive? Why didn't they rape me? I know that sounds horrible. I'm happy they didn't, but there's this piece of me that wonders … "