Alea wouldn't have children. She would grow old right here and be the pathetic old maid. No one could possibly want a woman as broken as she was. No one knew just how shattered she was on the inside. What man could handle that, even if she could bring herself to get close to him?
"Yes. They're going to make the announcement in a few weeks, when Piper is past the first trimester."
"It will be a madhouse, then. You must know that. The rags in England don't really give a damn about me unless I'm hanging out with Wills. It's Callum they're interested in, and I promise, you don't have to date him. Though I'll warn you, he'll make you crazy about it, and when you relent, I'll likely be a bit jealous. Come on, Lea. I can protect you in England."
"I'll think about it."
But there was no way she belonged there. If she went, Yas and Oliver would mean well, but with a baby coming, as well as ties to both celebrities and royals, Alea knew she'd find no peace. She was starting to think, however, that they were right about getting out of Bezakistan. Maybe a change of scenery would be good. Maybe she needed to be alone for a while, get her head together, weigh what she wanted in life against how brave she felt in pursuing it.
A long, painful moment passed. "I suppose I should go and check on Yasmin."
"Probably so."
With a nod, Oliver turned and walked out. Finally, Alea could breathe again.
"Did you love him?"
She turned, startled. Lan stood, his stern face expressionless. He could be so quiet, she'd almost forgotten he was there. And he rarely asked questions. In fact, Landon could follow her for hours and never say a word.
"No. God, no. I was so young. I didn't love anyone except Robert Pattinson," she answered without thinking.
Oliver had been a pleasant companion, and they had gone on a few dates, but she hadn't even kissed him. She'd been happy when she'd discovered that he and Yasmin were dating. She'd hoped Oliver would be a calming influence on her headstrong cousin.
"I'm glad. Because he's an asshole." One minute Landon was a shadow clinging to the wall, and the next he was in her space, a mountain of lean muscle.
"He is not! What makes you say that?"
Lan gave her an incredulous stare, as if wondering how she could miss the big picture. "He put the moves on you."
"He did no such thing. He's never once tried."
"Persuading you to come home with him and saying he'd be jealous if you dated the soccer player … yeah, his approach is mostly subtle, but he's still hitting on you. Even if he would never do anything about it, he's married, and that makes him a douche nozzle."
"He's just trying to help … in his way. His relationship with Yasmin is a little complicated."
They'd gotten married far too young, and she wasn't sure Yas was really ready to be a mom. "She's his wife. He should never talk to another woman that way. If I was married, I wouldn't." He stared down at her, his expression soft and searching. She'd never seen him look so gentle. "Don't let them sway you from getting what you need to heal. They're trying to use you to buffer their drama. You don't need that, darlin'."
He hovered so close that she felt the heat radiating off his body. All it would take to press her lips to his was one simple lift to her toes. Then she'd be brushing her mouth against his and know what it felt like to kiss a man again. She hadn't kissed anyone in years it seemed. No soft brushing of her mouth against another's. No arms that wound protectively around her. Just pain and terror. Memories flashed through her head of vicious fingers tangling in her hair, forcing her head back until her neck felt like it would break.
"You just went white. Are you all right?" Landon reached out for her, but she wouldn't be able to endure his touch, not when she felt so dirty.
They could put her in a designer gown, but she was still the girl who knew what it meant to be subjugated. She was still the dumb animal who had watched as the women around her were tortured, raped, and snuffed out.
"Don't touch me."
He jerked back. "I won't. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. Take a deep breath. You're here in Bezakistan. You're at the palace. No one will ever hurt you here. Me, Dane, and Coop will make damn sure of it. Take a long breath. I'll do it with you."
He breathed in, his chest filling with air. He was so calm and kind that she found herself following his directions. When he reached for her this time, she let him take her hand. He held it until she stopped shaking.
God, she wanted him to hold her. She wanted what Piper had. She wanted to be surrounded by men who loved her, who accepted her … who could want her even after all that had happened.