And all he could do was beg for forgiveness. "I am so sorry."
She sniffled a little before sinking into the sand next to him. "At first I was going to throw things at you like a warrior princess. I think I'd better leave the battling to you guys because all the enemy has to do is look sad and I give up."
Her heart would always be too soft for real war. She proved it by sliding her arm against his. He was willing to take any warmth she would give.
"I jumped to conclusions and said things … " Dane sighed. "I was a complete ass."
She nodded slowly. "You were. We weren't trying to shut you out. I know that's what you think. But for once in my life, I was in the moment. So much of my life is planned out for me-schedules, appearances, even my meals. I didn't want this to be planned, too, Dane. I was swimming with nature, basking in the sun … and I felt so free. I wanted to keep that feeling. I wanted to share it."
She hadn't done anything wrong. He kissed the top of her head, loving how she opened up to him. He'd been the one to fuck up, yet she was still here with him, offering his dumb ass comfort. "I want that for you, too, Lea."
She pulled back slightly so she could look up at him. Her gorgeous face was so grave, he would have done just about anything to get the softness back. "Are you sure you want this kind of relationship?"
He hadn't in the beginning. At all. "I wasn't taught to share, Alea. But, yes, I want this. I screwed up today. I can only say I'm sorry and it won't happen again."
"How can you be sure? Dane, I know about your wife."
"She's not my wife." He couldn't even stand to think about her now.
"Your ex-wife. She left you for your brother, right?"
"My brother turned out to be the better bet. And he didn't need to tie her up to get off."
"You needed to tie her up?" Alea frowned. "I mean, like always?"
She sounded daunted by the prospect. "No. Not always, but toward the end I realized I wasn't in love with her, so sex became a game. There was no making love in that relationship. There was an exchange of goods and services. When I got cut off from the family money, she found another way to tap into it."
"I can't make up for what she did to you. But this is the kind of relationship where jealousy just can't have a place."
"I wasn't asking you to make up for what happened to me." Was he?
"I can't fix what she did, either. Dane, I believe this relationship can work, but not if you're going to make me choose. I grew up differently than you. I know this will require a shift in your thinking, but I'm crazy about all three of you. My aunt and uncles were so happy, and I want that for myself. I want that for us. But it can't work if you don't believe that I'll care for you all wholly and equally."
"I've done everything I know to make this work." The accusation stung. He'd been the one to bring them all together. He'd been the one to pull Lan out of his damn shell and to soothe Coop's doubts. He'd been the one to get Alea talking. Sure she didn't like discussing her abduction, but she at least opened up about how she felt now.
For his effort, he should have had her first.
Goddamn it. She was right. Dane cursed. He wasn't looking at this from a "family" point of view. He'd been selfish and dumb and he'd ruined it for her. He'd been the one to tell her to go with the fucking flow. He'd just been sure the flow would bring her straight to him.
He had forced all of them to try to face their demons, but he hadn't even started to face his own.
There was a part of him that wanted to slink away. He could go to the other side of the island and not have to deal with any of this shit. He could be alone. It was what he deserved, but was it what she deserved?
What she deserved was a man who was fucking brave enough to tell her the truth. He hid behind his Dom role so often that he forgot she needed a place in this family, too and not just the one on her back. She wasn't a blow up doll they were going to pass around. If he wanted to know her, really know her, he had to let her know him, too.
Families were so fucking scary. His own had let him down. He would rather face down ten guns than risk heartache again. Unfortunately, when he forced himself to acknowledge the truth, he couldn't deny that he yearned for a family more than anything. He wanted this family-Alea and these brothers.
"You have," she agreed. "But … "
"But I'm having a hard time trusting it."
"Explain that. Make me understand." She turned her face up, those dark eyes full of sympathy.