Then Claire could understand. "You still feel his loss? It's still an ache in your heart, right?"
"Of course. It's always going to be there." Claire put a hand to her chest as though she wished it would stop.
"Don't you wish it would go away?" Tori asked.
She shook her head. "That would mean I never loved him. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I'm a better person for having loved him. You think you can hide from loss, but all you'll get at the end of your days is a meaningless existence. When you look back, do you really think you'll be happy you never loved? Never really loved. Do you think you'll die with a smile on your face because you never felt anything? No, you'll die alone and bitter because you chose to. Go home, Tori. There's no place for you here and you only hurt them by staying. They need a woman, not a frightened little girl. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I really do wish you all the best. I'll see what I can do about saving my brother from that awful woman."
She strode away, and Tori felt something break open inside her.
God, what was she doing to her men? How could she ever possibly leave them? How could she even think about walking away from them?
She looked down at the book in her lap. Would her father have done it differently if he'd had the chance? Would he have taken back the years of joy to avoid the horrific pain?
She flipped to the back because she had to know. She had to know what he'd been thinking in those last days. Had he said good-bye to his girls with every intention of ending his pain?
With trembling hands, she turned to the last page. Unlike the rest of the journals, which he'd written to himself, he seemed to have written this to their mother after she died. These pages read like letters to his lost love.
The final entry was two days before his death. Two days before she'd lost her father. The words blurred as Tori read them.
Dearest Wife,
It's been years. I could tell you the exact time to the second, but I'm going to stop that now. My heart aches, but I realized that I can't mourn forever. I love you. That will never stop, but I have to get up in the morning and move forward. Not because I love you less, but because I realized all the best parts of you are here with me. They're sleeping two rooms over and I'm failing them. Every moment I spend wishing I'd gone with you is a moment I lose with them and god, they are spectacular. Piper has your sweetness and your smarts. And Mindy. Oh, our Melinda Torrance has your guts. Nothing scares her, but losing her mother seems to have thrown a shadow over her brave soul. So tomorrow, I'm going to wake up and make them breakfast and we're all going to learn how to live again. We'll do it together because the last thing they should think is that we should mourn for the rest of their lives. So I'm ending this journal because I think it holds me back. I'm going to talk to them from now on. Good-bye, my love. Until we meet again …
Tori remembered that morning he'd awakened her and Piper early for breakfast. He'd been more energetic. He'd even talked about their mom. Before that, he'd been silent about her for so long. When Tori had looked back at that morning, she'd assumed he'd merely been preparing to see her mom again. Never once had she imagined that Dad had decided to live once more.
Fate had changed everything.
She put the book down.
She'd once been brave. Her parents had often worried she would die while investigating a sewer drain or climbing a tree she'd had no business climbing. Her sister had been the practical one, always pulling her back from the edge. Tori hadn't feared anything. Somewhere along the way, she'd learned to be afraid.
Maybe it was time to learn how to be brave again.
Would she really push away three men who loved her-whom she loved desperately in return-so she didn't have to feel pain? Did she really think that if she left them tomorrow that choosing to be without them would hurt less than fate making the choice for her? Either way, she would miss them for the rest of her days.
Tori let out a trembling breath. Until now, she'd taken everything they had and given them very little in return. She had to change that.
It was time to take her place beside them.
She didn't need two weeks. In fact, she didn't need another moment. She loved them and they deserved more than the safe part of her heart. They deserved for her to grow the fuck up and be the woman she was meant to be, the woman they needed her to be.
The woman her parents had raised her to be.
With a silent thanks to her sister for once again showing her the way, Tori stepped out into the hallway. They wanted the real her? Well, everyone was about to see her-starting with that crazy bitch who needed to understand that no one came between a Texas girl and her men.
* * * *
Callum took a long drink. He was definitely going to need it. The crackpot was in his house. Just a short walk down the hall sat the bane of his existence. He'd rather thought he wouldn't have to see her again, but naturally Thea leveraged what power she had and got her way. She was trading one last meeting with him for a million pounds and the promise never to speak his name again. The very thought turned his stomach, but this torture would be worth it if she went away for good.