“Because you pushed Hannah away with insults?” Slade clapped him on the shoulder.
“You’re human. You make mistakes. An apology fixes things most of the time. You’ll do better in the future. But now, it’s long past time to forgive yourself. There’s a woman in this house who loves you. Don’t push her away again because you’re scared. Do you have any idea how precious she is? She has a heart big enough for all of us.”
Gavin shook his head. “Not for me. Not after what I did earlier. God, she’ll never forgive me.
Neither will you.”
Dex’s face got hard and unrelenting. “What happened with Hannah?” This might be worse than telling them about Nikki. “Hannah found me shortly after I’d talked to the attorney. I had been drinking for a while—hard.” Slade slapped at the bottle. “Obviously.”
“Did you hurt her?” Dex demanded.
Filled with shame, Gavin nodded, reluctant to say the words that might really sever his relationship with his brothers. He had only started to understand that he wasn’t responsible entirely for what had happened with Nikki. He couldn’t say the same thing of Hannah.
He hadn’t known until this moment how much he’d needed his brothers’ support and comfort. Now it might all be gone. But he owed them the truth.
“I didn’t hurt her physically,” Gavin choked. “But I tore her heart apart.”
“Spit it out,” Slade insisted.
“I was trying to push her away. I thought it would be easier on everyone if she hated me.”
“The way you’ve been hating yourself?” Slade asked pointedly.
God, put that way, his behavior sounded pathetic. “I love her. I couldn’t stand the thought that she would find out what I had done and look at me like I was a monster.” Slade’s eyes rolled. “You don’t know her at all. She would have hugged you and told you to forgive yourself. She would have understood.”
“He knew that, deep down. But like you said, he wasn’t ready to forgive himself. Now…” Dex loomed over him. “Tell me what you said to her.”
In that moment, Gavin figured out why this relationship with Hannah had a chance. They would keep each other in line. When one of them was cranky and difficult, the other two would set him straight. They would all be there for Hannah and each other. They would be a family.
If he could find the courage to be a part of it.
“I called her graceless and classless. I told her that she wasn’t good enough to be my wife.” Gavin had been prepared for the fist that flew his way. He wasn’t prepared for just how hard his youngest brother hit. Gavin’s head flew back, the pain in his jaw a welcome wake up call.
“Don’t ever say that about her again. It’s bullshit, and you know it. Understand?” Gavin nodded. “I didn’t mean it, Dex. I love her. God, I love her so much. I think she’s perfect.”
Dex pointed an accusatory finger at him. “You’re going to make it up to her. You’re going to treat her like a princess. You’re going to apologize, and if she wants you to kiss her feet, then you’re going to get down on the floor and kiss them.”
Slade cut in. “Exactly. And you’re also going to tell that fucking lawyer to stop whatever it is you have him doing.”
“Damn straight. I’m going to go find Hannah. We’re going to talk this out. You better be ready to grovel.” Dex turned and stomped out of the room.
Slade calmly got up and walked to the fridge. He came back with a bag of frozen peas and handed it to Gavin. “Put that on your face. Is anything broken?” Gavin moved his sore jaw. “I don’t think so. But it hurts.”
“Be glad you weren’t standing up. I’ve been in bar fights with our shitkicker baby brother.
He’s mean. He might have kicked you in the balls.” Slade’s head shook affectionately. “But he’s always quick to forgive when he gives a damn about you. I think you’ll find Hannah is, too.” He hoped so. Gavin put the frozen vegetables to his swelling jaw. Something had eased inside of him. Gavin realized he hadn’t taken a full breath in years. That guilt and fear had always been pressing down on his chest. But that ball of self-hatred had begun to ease with his brothers’ acceptance. Gavin hoped it would dissolve to nothingness under Hannah’s love.
What was he going to do if Hannah rejected him?
His lips curled up as the answer came to him. She could reject him all she liked, but he would win her in the end because he would wear her down with his love. He would always be there, opening the door for her, seeing to her needs, telling her how beautiful she is. He was fucking Gavin James. He had stared down a room of greedy executives at the age of twenty-two and beat them all back. He’d taken care of his brothers. He was stronger than he’d ever given himself credit for.