Their Virgin Captive(53)

But with Hannah he hadn’t. He hadn’t even thought of protecting her. He’d just lost himself and flooded her with every ounce of his seed. God, his brothers were going to hate him—and they had every right to.

Gavin sighed. “Nikki had tried to get me to marry her twice before by claiming that she was pregnant.”



“So when she announced it this time, you didn’t believe her for good reason.” Slade sat back in his chair.

“I also didn’t believe her when she said she was going to kill herself because I’d heard that before, too.” Gavin’s stomach turned again. “She called. I was at a party. I didn’t even bother to step outside to talk to her. She asked if I even cared about our baby. I told her there wasn’t a baby. She said she’d taken some pills. She’d threatened suicide before and hadn’t followed through, so I didn’t alert anyone. I didn’t lift a damn finger.” Dex’s face softened. “This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known she was serious.”

“I should have guessed or done something, just in case. Instead, I told Nikki to do what she had to do. Then I hung up on her. An hour later, her sister called me to tell me that she was dead.”

“Damn it, Gavin, you didn’t force her to take the pills.”

“But I didn’t even try to save her.” Gavin stood and kicked the chair across the room. “She really was pregnant, a few weeks along according to the coroner. He kept it quiet for me.” Slade winced. “You are not going to want to hear this, Gavin, but how can you be sure the baby was yours?”

He’d asked himself that question a million times. “Does it really matter? If I had taken her threat seriously, that child would be alive today.”

Dex shook his head. “You would never have intentionally hurt her or that baby. I know it.”

“You’re obviously missing the fact that through my negligence, I killed both a woman and a child.”

“No,” Slade said in an even tone. “You didn’t. You broke up with a woman who wasn’t stable, and she decided to go off the deep end. She needed help, man.”

“I didn’t give it to her. Damn it, you two are not listening to me.” It was maddening. “I left her there. I let her die.”

“She chose to take the pills herself. She didn’t care about the baby in her belly. She didn’t call for an ambulance. She didn’t want to live. That’s not your fault.” Slade stood and began to pace, his hand running through his hair. “You’ve seriously wasted years of your life over this?”

“That was my child!” Gavin yelled. Years of anger threatened to bubble to the surface.

“She took the kid down with her,” Dex said quietly. Gavin couldn’t mistake the sadness in his brother’s eyes. “And that’s what you’re grieving most of all. I know. And I am so sorry.” Slade’s hands rested on his shoulders. “I’m sorry, too. I wish you’d told us sooner. We would have done anything to help you through this.”

Gavin pushed them away. “Don’t.”

Dex frowned. “Don’t what, give a damn? Don’t get pissed that you’ve wasted years of your life over something you couldn’t control?”

“Don’t forgive you? That’s what you’re really upset about it, isn’t it?” Slade challenged.

“You don’t want us to forgive you.”

Gavin sat for a minute, his thoughts racing. Slade’s words hit him squarely in the chest. He didn’t want forgiveness. He’d held the pain in for so long. The thought of releasing it terrified him. He’d hidden behind it, used it as barrier to keep him from everything that could hurt him again. He’d used it to push people away.

Like Hannah.

He hadn’t loved Nikki. He’d had some vague affection for her in the beginning—and nothing but contempt at the end. That hadn’t seemed abnormal to Gavin. He’d watched his mother and father’s utterly loveless relationship and decided he was incapable of true devotion. He’d held onto that lie until now, even in the face of his feelings for Hannah.

Fuck. He wasn’t afraid of what he would do to Hannah. He was scared of what he felt for her—and how vulnerable that would make him.

She could die or walk away. Hannah could love his brothers more than she would ever love him. Any of those scenarios would demolish him.

“You’re right. Forgiveness is scary. Your loathing would have been easier. And now I’ve fucked up again.” Gavin let his head fall to his hands.

Regret, deep and cutting, sliced through him. He’d allowed his own fear to push Hannah away. She’d offered him everything he could have hoped for, and he’d acted like an animal.