"Yeah," I answered, ambling towards her and following as she led the way down the hall, to the kitchen. My eyes stayed glued to her ass and the seductive sway of her hips. She was even curvier now and it was sexy as fuck. I was practically salivating at the thought of getting all that sweetness beneath me. Carter squawked, demanding my attention, and I grinned at him. "Someday you will understand, little man," I confided quietly.
"Did you say something?" Aspen asked over her shoulder.
"Uh oh," I whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. "Busted." I cleared my throat self-consciously and spoke a little louder this time. "Um, no. Just talking nonsense to Carter."
She peeked at us, flipping her hair back so she could see behind her and smiled approvingly, before entering the kitchen. The room was bright and cheery with buttery yellow walls, a black and white checkered floor, and gingham curtains hanging on the window over the sink. The appliances and cabinets gave away the age of the place, but it was obvious she'd taken great care to make it clean and cozy.
Walking straight to the fridge, she opened it while casually pointing off to her right. "You can set Carter in the swing by the table. He loves it."
I was content to hold him, but as I approached the table, he saw the swing and started kicking about excitedly. Laughing, I lowered him down and figured out how to buckle him into the contraption. Then I sat in the nearest chair, keeping an eye on him as I turned most of my attention to my woman. While I watched her making sandwiches and moving around the kitchen, those caveman instincts reared up again.
The scene in front of me shifted and all I could see was Aspen, swollen with our baby, puttering around in a much bigger kitchen. She was humming and smiling contentedly, causing that warmth to bloom in my chest again. I almost laughed when my eyes trailed down her legs and I realized how truly Machiavellian my daydream was. She was barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I mentally shrugged, not about to apologize for it.
Chauvinistic or not, I was suddenly more determined than ever to make that vision a reality. I couldn't wait to be with Aspen and Carter every day, to be a husband and father. Excitement coursed through me at the thought of every milestone I would witness, at all the things I would teach him. But, I was also determined to get her pregnant again as soon as possible and this time, I wouldn't miss any of it.
Finally, she brought our plates to the table, then fetched two tall glasses of homemade iced tea. She sat across from me and for a few seconds, neither of us made a move, studying each other. She broke the trance first and lifted her sandwich to her mouth. After one bite, I realized I needed to focus on lunch and not watching her eat or I would probably come in my pants like a teenager before she finished eating.
"Are you going to tell me where you've been and why you were gone so long?" Her question hung in the air between us. I was going to have to answer carefully. I hadn't officially put in my request to be reassigned from being a field agent, though I'd had the conversation with my boss. Without the stamp dry on the paperwork, I was technically still under a gag order.
But my gut was telling me that my answer to her query was going to set the path towards our future. It would either make it easier or harder and while I preferred the former, it didn't really matter, I would get the end result I wanted, no matter what.
I decided to tell her as much as I could, probably a little more than I should, but I wanted to gain her trust as fast as possible so we could forget the past and forge a new future.
I looked down to check on Carter and ran a hand over the dark fuzz on his head. He really was amazing. His eyes were drooping, but he still gave me a toothless grin.
Returning to Aspen, I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. "I could be thrown in prison for some of the stuff I'm about to tell you," I warned her, my tone clearly conveying the severity of the situation. "But, I trust you to keep me away from a firing squad and I want complete honesty between us."
Wariness crept into her eyes, her hands folding demurely on the table. But, she nodded, staying silent, and waited for me to continue. As concisely as possible, I explained my job at the CIA and that I'd been undercover overseas.
Her eyes trailed along my arms and down to my hands, skepticism clear in her gaze. "My tattoos are one of the reasons I'm so damn good at my job when I'm out on a mission. I'm not exactly what most people picture when they think of an undercover agent."
I could see she wanted to ask me about the details of my mission, but I gave her a stern look and she pressed her lips together, refraining from comment.
I was just about to tell her that I'd decided to put in for a job change when she spoke up.
"Are you going to be gone a lot? Because Carter doesn't need a part time dad. I'd rather he had no father figure in his life than one that blows into it now and then, turning everything upside down and then blowing right out." Her fingers were twisting together, whether from nervousness or anger, I wasn't sure. She didn't need to be either.
"No, I won't be taking covert assignments anymore," I attempted to reassure her.
She studied me, those fingers still tangling, her demeanor clearly agitated. "I appreciate your determination at this moment, and I believe you're sincere, right now. But how do I know you won't get restless? What if you become unhappy and begin to resent us?" As she finished, she avoided my eyes, focusing on Carter instead. She stood, and I tracked her movements as she scooped him into her arms, my boy fast asleep. She finally reconnected with me, swaying side to side, Carter practically an emotional shield in front of her.
I blinked at her a few times, digesting her words. How she could think I would ever come to regret or resent them was beyond me. It was obvious she was rebuilding her walls and pain pulsed in my heart, but the logical side of my brain argued that no matter how connected we felt, we really didn't know each other that well.
"You're going to have to learn to trust me, beautiful," I stated truthfully.
I waited for her to say something, but she surprised me, turning around and walking out of the room. Putting my elbows on the table, I dropped my head into my hands, using the heels to rub my eyes. I was so fucking tired, but at the same time, energy buzzed over my skin. I was going to break down those fucking walls and right then, I couldn't think of a better solution than to show her how much I truly needed her. To fuse our bodies into one so she would know how deep in my soul the cravings for her went. Decision made, I stood swiftly and stalked from the room, unwavering in my course of action.
Chapter 4
Aspen
The one time I wouldn't have minded it taking him forever to fall asleep, and Carter went down for his nap with barely a whimper. I'd hoped for more time before I faced Weston again-at least a moment or two to wrap my head around the fact that the tattooed bad boy who'd swept me off my feet, knocked me up, and promptly disappeared, was really a super-secret spy with an excellent reason for his vanishing act.
As if he hadn't been irresistible before, now I had visions of him as the hero in every action movie I'd ever seen. He wasn't the villain I'd thought him to be for the last year. Instead, he was the kind of guy who saved other people's lives while risking his own.
After spending so much time trying to force myself to hate him in an effort to heal my broken heart, it was almost too much to believe. I didn't know whether I wanted to rush out there and tell him he was only going to be a part of my life going forward as Carter's father or if I wanted to jump his bones and beg him to never leave. But I didn't have any time to figure it all out because he was waiting for me in the other room.
I was pretty sure he wasn't going to let me hide in Carter's room for very long. As crazy as it sounded, other than thinking I'd tried to hide Carter's existence from him, he seemed happy to know I'd given birth to his baby. The way he'd been looking at me made it clear he would be in favor of the jumping his bones option. And what fine bones they were. If anything, he'd gotten even sexier during his time away. The new ink I'd spotted on his knuckles was incredibly hot. Although, that could just be the months of sexual frustration talking. "Who am I trying to kid? It's both," I mumbled to myself as I turned on the baby monitor and grabbed the handheld unit.
After quietly shutting the door to Carter's room behind me, I was fumbling with the volume dial on the monitor when warm hands wrapped around my upper arms. Weston had apparently made himself at home in my apartment because when he dragged me into my bedroom, the lights were already turned low and the sheets were pulled back on the bed. A bed he settled me onto before following me down to hover over my body.
I looked up at him and knew I was lost. I couldn't possibly tell him I only wanted him to be in my life as Carter's dad because it would be a bold-faced lie. I wanted more-heck, I wanted it all. I was just too scared to admit it out loud. I wasn't ready to be that vulnerable with him again. We'd only spent one weekend together, but I'd had an entire year to miss him and mourn the loss of him in my life.
"I missed you." I was so dazzled by being near him again that the admission slipped from my lips of its own accord.
His mouth curved into a smug grin, tilting at the edges. His smile was gorgeous and oh so tempting as he gazed down at me. But, it was his eyes that really got to me. His smile lit up the green orbs with naked pleasure, unmasked and right out there for me to see. He wasn't trying to hide how I made him feel, and it filled me with hope for the future.