He reached across and laid a warm hand on her thigh as he drove.
“Blondie it’s going to be hell without you.”
“Yes, but maybe the less contact we have, the better. Maybe it will fade away and get bearable. Maybe you’ll find someone else...”
“Do you really believe that?” he grated.
Fiona shrugged and avoided his eyes.
Even Nicky seemed to catch their somber mood and was quiet on the hour-long drive back to Wellington.
“We’ve time to check out the house,” Christian offered, glancing sideways at her as they neared the city. “Do you want to? If you’d rather not I’ll call in later.”
“Will it be finished?”
“The worst of it should be done. I’m expecting it’ll take another few days yet.”
“Anything’s better than hanging around at the airport.”
Minutes later, they swung in through the wide gateway and rolled to a halt amongst tradesmen’s vans and pick-up trucks. The front door had been chocked open and a badly tuned radio blared and buzzed somewhere inside. The occasional off-key wail of a cheerful painter made Fiona cringe.
“I couldn’t use him in the on-board concerts.”
“You’re back on your ship already?” Christian’s voice sounded accusing.
“No. Of course not. But I always listen...”
She watched as he released Nicky’s harness and lifted her from the child-seat, carrying her until they saw the state of the house’s interior.
“Still quite a way to go.”
They waded in over the paint-speckled drop-sheets protecting the marble-tiled floors, and on through the tangle of tools and electronics cartons. Despite the open doors and windows, paint-fumes filled the air.
At least the big casual living area had been completed and was empty of mess. Christian set Nicky down and she toddled out to the lawn and her beloved sand-pit.
He moved close behind Fiona and rested his hands either side of her waist. A wave of déjà vu hit so strongly she almost staggered.
“We were standing right here,” she whispered, “when you first tried to make me leave.”
He bent and rubbed the side of his face against hers and kissed her shoulder.
She thought of that day—five and a half weeks ago now—when she’d yearned for him to do exactly that. “Would have saved a lot of heartache if I’d gone.”
“I never wanted you to go.”
“I worked that out eventually, but it was too late by then.”
Christian smiled sadly and drew a deep bitter breath. “I’ll miss you, Blondie. It’s tearing me apart. I could arrange some business trips to Europe and come and see you.”
“Not easy when we’re cruising. We only stop one day at most of the ports, and I can’t exactly dash off as I’d like to.”
“You’re trying to get rid of me?”
“No, never. Never. It’s just not so easy...”
She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to stop the tears that threatened to well up and spill down her face. They stood pressed together in tense silence, his arms wrapped around her now and holding her close.
“Keep watch on Nicky for a minute?” he finally asked. “I’ll have a quick look at the rest of the house.”
Fiona continued to stand by the window, lost in her thoughts. She wanted very much to stay right here. Right here—with this man, this child, this life. She and Christian had not discussed a future; they’d simply hoped for the present to continue uninterrupted. A futile hope indeed.
He returned a few minutes later and a waft of stronger paint-fumes followed him.
“Not too bad,” he said in a resigned voice. “They seem to be taking good-enough care of the place. There are covers over everything, but it’s going to take some re-arranging.” He grimaced. “And I suppose I’ll have to sort through all of Jan’s stuff one of these days.”
Fiona thought of the big wardrobes of designer clothes, the expensive cosmetics, the luxurious underwear and beautiful shoes—all the things that had been part of her sister’s life with Christian.
“I should have helped you with that while I was here.”
Traitor. You just want to get rid of the memories she’s left behind for him.
He shook his head. “It was too soon, Blondie. And you were in no shape for it, either. You could hardly stand up.” He held out a hand. “Come on, I’d better get you checked in, damn it.”
He cupped her nape and drew her to him for a feather-light kiss that slowly grew in intensity until all her emotions flew loose from the tight restraints she’d bound them with. Soon she clung, sobbing, to his tall frame.